A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:My boyfriend and I have been together almost 2 years. This is the healthiest, most loving relationship I've ever been in and I love him dearly. When we first met, he had a great job, a nice place and we went out all the time. About a year in, we moved in together. He ended up quitting his job for ethical reasons. He told me he found a job and started it 3 weeks ago. We've been leaving for work together every day. However, I'm seeing signs that he hasn't been going to work. Things around our house showing someone's been home. He's too lax about getting to work on time. He's putting on this big production about working, but I know he isn't. He used up his savings account a couple months ago and I've been paying for everything, I'm broke. He plays video games until 3am most nights. The job market isn't great, that's not a secret. And if he was telling me the truth and doing more to find work, I wouldn't be as hurt and worried. He is waiting for money from his 401k, so that will help financially, but what happens after that is gone? We are also supposed to be saving up to move next year (the main reason why we moved in together), but haven't been able to save a penny thus far. I don't know how to confront him. I don't want to accuse and embarrass him, I don't have hardcore proof. I just can't believe he's lying about working and sitting home playing video games (I've been seeing email receipts) while running up utility and grocery bills. I come home and cook for him every night and make his lunch every morning. It hurts so much, he is such a great guy and so good to me otherwise, I feel used. I just don't understand. Why is he doing this?
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female
reader, tennisstar88 +, writes (13 April 2011):
 So at the moment you are paying for everything and he doesn't have anything to contribute?
When a boyfriend and girlfriend live together everything needs to be split down the middle regarding living expenses and rent. Unless of course due to the economic times, your boyfriend gets fired and is out of work but is actively looking for a job. This doesn't apply to your boyfriend because he quit for reasons to sit at home on his ass. Then he has the audacity to lie about false job, even when you pack him a lunch before you leave for work. Sorry but times are tough, and it looks like you can't afford to support him and you. Not to mention that 401k won't last forever.
It's time to stop making excuses for him and call out your boyfriend on his bogus lie. Give him a timeline to actually obtain a job, because it's not fair that you support him, and that 401k will be gone within a blink of an eye. If he doesn't meet the deadline then it's time for him to collect his belongings and move out. If he can't afford to pay his share and continues to play video games all day long then it's time for him to go.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (12 April 2011): A good guy would not be doing this sorry to say. A good guy would have told you the truth and after maybe 2 weeks of depression jumped up and started doing what he has to survive not only for you but for himself as a person.
Yes people go through tough times and hardships but to manipulate a situation like this and expect to be taken care of whilst not being honest is an ultimate no.
You may not have concrete proof but you have to talk to your man. The more you stay silent and grow resentful the harder this will be to tackle oh and not to mention the longer you will be used and taken advantage of.
Its time to put your big girl panties on and face this problem head on. Use tact but be honest, don't skate around the issue.
Best of luck!
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (12 April 2011): That's not fair. Can't say exactly why he is doing this. Probably because he can, because you let him get away with it. Of course you need to confront him. If you don't want to confront him without proof, understandably, why don't you make up a lie at work, say that you have a doctor's appointment or something to get out of work early and see if he is in fact home. Or call or go to the company/place he supposedly works at and find out if he does in fact work there. Really not sure why you are scared to confront him but if you have your suspicions he should understand and be able to provide some proof. I don't know, this guy is showing you a side of him that doesn't seem that desirable. I mean he is just kinda lazy and has no shame about you working and paying the bills while he sits at home playing video game, meanwhile he is spending your hard earned money...I don't know. This guy doesn't sound very appealing. Maybe it is time to reconsider this relationship.
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