A
female
age
51-59,
*ueZ
writes:Hello,A long time ago there was a guy in my life, and we liked each other, but he had a long term long distance girlfriend, and I was leaving town to go to uni and to escape a violent family. So, we came close, but never actually made anything happen.Anyway, we recently re-connected via email- we are a log way away from each other. It went from friendly banter to remeniscing to a fantasy thing. Then I told him I might be visiting and asked to catch up for Coffee... expecting exactly that and no more. He sent me a very steamy reply outlining in great detail what he would like to do to me if we met up. It was the start of what I thought was a fantasy game between us... sending steamy emails back and forth. Anyway, I was a bit curious as to whether this was all fantasy so I told him that I would definitely be visiting and would he like to meet up. Well, started to back-peddle fast... he even said "I will have to remain a fantasy in your head... the one that got away. We can only be friends". Now I am OK with that, so I made sure he knew I would not try to contact him when I was there, and sent him 2 friend-type emails over the next few weeks. He did not reply. So I sent him a final note saying "bye.. hope you stay healthy and happy". Hey, I don't want to be somewhere I am not wanted!Now.. why am I writing this note? Because I am hurt. I am hurt that he was the one who jumped to conclusions about what was going on, and then rather than be a friend he dumped me like a hot potato. I feel used. I was only good for a fantasy, but he was not even prepared to meet up with me and say hi. Hell he was not even prepared to occasionally communicate as friends ( even tho he asked me to).I think he wanted a fantasy that was a long way away that would never touch his reality ... one that he could completely control . So when I became a real person to him, he backed off fast. Am I on the right track ? Agony Aunts... and why am I feeling used and betrayed?
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female
reader, SueZ +, writes (24 August 2010):
SueZ is verified as being by the original poster of the question@ sugarbuns... I think you are on to something.I know he has a young daughter.
A
female
reader, Sugarbuns +, writes (24 August 2010):
 I think he was married.
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A
female
reader, Sugarbuns +, writes (24 August 2010):
I think he was married. The whole thing was a game and when it started look like it might come knocking on his door, he couldn't get away fast enough. Afterall, he didn't want his wife finding out.
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A
female
reader, SueZ +, writes (24 August 2010):
SueZ is verified as being by the original poster of the questionOh dear.. I think I am a little unclear in my writing style. Still thanks for your replies.
@ under the stars... I was happy to meet him as a friend and told him so... he did not want to meet up, and I was going to be in town ( unrelated). SO, because I was happy to be friends, I said it was cool that we not meet up.
@oldersister... I was pretty sure it was all fantasy and was ready to find out either way ... and happy to be friends. You are wrong if you think I did not see what was happening. THat is not the issue here.
My take? I am offended at being treated like a piece of (fantasy) meat as opposed to a real person... someone worth being friends with. I am sad because I thought we were friends ( who had a little fantasy email fling) and it turns out he was not my friend.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (23 August 2010): You said he told you we can only be friends so you told him you wouldn't contact him while you you were visiting? Sounds to me like you wanted that fantasy thing to be a reality and when he told you you could only be friends it pissed you off. When you told him you wouldn't contact him while you were visiting he probably thought that YOU were the one that was going to use him because as soon as he told you that those "steamy emails" were never going to be a reality YOU told him you wouldn't contact HIM because he only wanted to be friends. When you told him you wouldn't be contacting him he probably thought you didn't want to be friends.
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