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Feeling inadequate sexually and worried I'm not as good as his past girls!

Tagged as: Health, Sex, The ex-factor<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (22 April 2011) 2 Answers - (Newest, 22 April 2011)
A female United States age 30-35, anonymous writes:

My boyfriend is 20 and I'm 19. We've been dating for about a year and he's in the Marines. My problem is I feel very inadequate sexually with him. I had only had 2 partners before him and while I'm not sure of his exact number, I know it's quite a bit higher than mine. I know of at least 5 and he's brought up a couple of other girls. He never does it to rub it in. For example he was telling me he likes the fact I don't have a bellybutton ring because one girl he was having sex with got it stuck on his pants and it started to bleed. Being a Marine, I know he has had plenty of time to hook up with girls around his base, especially since there is a college nearby.

I HATE the thought of him having sex with girls other than me. I know it happened but I'd rather not know about it. Part of me wants to know how many girls he has had sex with but I feel rude asking. Plus, I'm not sure my self esteem could really handle the answer.

He's very reassuring with me and tells me that I'm good in bed but I don't know if he's just telling me this. He's unaware how much his previous sexual encounters bother me. I know it shouldn't because we weren't together but I just can't stop worrying that they were better than me. Please help, it's really starting to interfere with our sex life.

View related questions: his ex, self esteem, sex life

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (22 April 2011):

Maybe you should break up with this guy. There is no law saying that you must be happy dating someone with much more experience than you.

I know it is not socially acceptable to use someone's past as criteria for choosing a relationship. But "socially acceptable" and common sense don't always go together. Common sense says that people with different histories are reflecting different personalities and experiences. That is not a good indicator of compatibility for you and your BF.

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A reader, anonymous, writes (22 April 2011):

Well, he's not with them. He's with you. So if they were so much more amazing, he'd still be with one of them, right?

Stop fretting and don't focus your thoughts on how the sex was with others. Know that if he's with you and devoted to you, then he's perfectly satisfied with how you are in bed.

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