A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Can anyone tell me why do I feel so scared of loving another person?Is it because I have been hurt before?How should I go about solving this problem? Reply to this Question
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (13 June 2007): Hello people, thanks for the advice. :)
A
female
reader, i might be a girl but i can help  +, writes (11 June 2007):
 it is possible that u have been hurt before or the fact u friends have been hurt through love and its put u off i think everyone once in there life will always be scared of bein hurt or to love someone its normal and u just have to think what makes u scared of relationships and than work on from there. good luck xxxx
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A
female
reader, bubbloo24  +, writes (11 June 2007):
 Hunny, I think we've all been there. You just need to get more confident about yourself.
Tell yourself, you are worth more than any man.
If you act confident, you will get more boys attracted to you.
You just need to push your past behind you. Not all guys are like that I promise.
You're young yet! Have some fun being single and then meet someone who will respect you.
Just meet new people, you don't need to trust them instantly, build up trust through time.
I hope I helped a bit :) x
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A
male
reader, geqo  +, writes (11 June 2007):
 It's very possible that your being hurt before has affected you. How badly were you hurt, and how close were you to the person? Is there one paticular person that hurt you, or several?There are two things you can do to address your problem. Firstly, you must try to resolve your issues with the people that hurt you. Make sure that the people that hurt you know that they did, and try to understand why they did what they did from their perspective. Do whatever you need to do until you feel that you're over what they did.Secondly, start with small steps. Try loving the people closer to you a little more. Your mom, siblings, best friends, etc. Anybody that you figure will be reasonably safe to put more trust in. This will help you to gain self-confidence to love other people more.
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A
female
reader, Kelly88 +, writes (11 June 2007):
I understand totally what you mean you think that if you get close to some1 then they might break your heart because its happened to you before but thats what loves all about loving someone and sometimes getting your heart broken its basicly the meanin of life if you think about, you should defenetly give this person a chance because if you dont you'll regret it its like my favourite quote " Tell that someone that you love that you love them cause you might not ever get another chance" good luck
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A
female
reader, ask phoebe +, writes (11 June 2007):
 It could either be because you have been hurt by love before or you have seen someone else been hurt by love and you're scared it might happen to you. You need to talk to someone, telling a friend or relative could help you deal with this and maybe open yourself up to love more. When you meet the right person, you'll be ok.
x
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A
female
reader, O Connor  +, writes (11 June 2007):
 ah chicken its cos u have been hurt before probably.u need to slowly get back out there but dont overdo it!try caring about ppl and guys as friends and slowly opening up.and just remember just cos one guy has hurt you in the past it doesnt mean that every one will,i learned that the hard way!just take it step by step and keep telling yourself that not everyone is out to hurt you. email me and we can talk bout it more,i really would love to help ya more so plz get in touch k?in the meantime feel good about yourself,smile on the inside and out and be happy!!xxx
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A
male
reader, sparky2107 +, writes (11 June 2007):
if you've been hurt then it's natural to be scared of loving again, to use an analogy... if you had been attacked by a dog then chances are you'd be scared of dogs - it doesn't mean all dogs are out to get you but that fear is there and it's genuine. I too had my heartbroken and it can stay with you for years if you don't address it. The defences go up and your heart retreats into its shell, i've found talking about it has helped, a good friend or preferrably a cousellor and also learning to love yourself again is important, it shows great strength and bravery to put your heart into something so love yourself for that ability, if someone was careless with it then that wasn't your fault, we all get bumps and knocks along the way, if you need a little coaching to get your courage back then I see that as perfectly normal, good luck
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A
female
reader, BlueRoses  +, writes (11 June 2007):
Your second question offers a clue:Is it because I have been hurt before?The answer most certainly is a QUALIFIED yes.But it does not HAVE to be.Here are a few ways to BEGIN to get "past" the hurt of prior injury:1) WRITE about it.(I write poetry, and find that this form(poetry) will quickly, and succintly get your FEELINGS out, and down on paper.Writing helps you DISCOVER your feelings--in the PROCESS of writing, you will reveal DETAILS that hurt you. It will serve as "catharsis" for those details, and hurts.2) TALK about it--with a trusted friend.If you do not have friends, MAKE some.If you make FRIENDS first, then LOVE will come much easier to you. You must be able to speak and trust, before you can have a meaningful relationship(of ANY kind!)3) VOLUNTEER. This may sound as if it has nothing to do with being hurt, or feeling lonely...but those are the folks you will be helping:The hurt, the lonely...and guess what?Whether you work with the elderly, children or animals (all viable choices with whom to volunteer)you'll meet quality folks like yourself(who'll you'll become FRIENDS with!), who have a YEARNING--which is what I sense you have. You YEARN to connect. You CAN do this.It just takes practice!Go read some poetry. Write some.And volunteer to help others, which will help you focus OUTSIDE yourself(after you've done a bit of introspection!)...I live in the U.S.(in the Atlanta,Georgia area), and I feel down sometimes, too(the current political situations, the war the U.S. created, etc. , but I stay upbeat-- and able to love-- by WRITING about it, and by offering to REACH outside myself.)Try to smile, and follow these simple steps. Remember, you are YOUNG, and have LOTS of time to get close to, and fall in love with someone worthy of you!
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (11 June 2007): when you meet someone new be wary of any bad personality signs but don't over analyse them. dont relate your bad experience with this new person. its hard when you build a wall around yourself and never let any one in because by doing this you'll always be alone. im not saying trust the first person you start to like, but give it time and go with your instincts because that way you'll fall in love for the right reasons and have a fun along the way. I've been hurt aswell and i know how you feel. i look at lads sometimes like they are out to get me, but i remember how happy i was when i was in love and carry on finding someone that will make me feel like that forever. because there's always someone out there for you and who knows he could be feeling the same way you do now. best of luck x
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