A
female
age
36-40,
*eryconfused1983
writes:Hi. I come from country XXX. I moved to Canada when I was 18 to study. I've been living in Canada for eight years now. I've been with my boyfriend for three and have lived with him for two. Marriage discussions have taken place since a while back. He has visited my country XXX a couple of times, and has met my immediate family on several occasions. He has only his mom (father passed away long time ago) and I have met her several times too. At the beginning of our relationship my parents attitude seemed very positive towards it. However, they have grown impatient. Firstly, my family insists on me coming back to settle down in country XXX. I have discussed this issue with my boyfriend over and over. He is not very excited about the idea especially that he can not leave his mother alone and is convinced that she will never agree on moving to country XXX.Secondly, they doubt that he will ever be the good husband for their beloved daughter for several reasons: 1. they are convinced he will never move to country XXX 2. he hasn't proposed for marriage yet in a formal way3. there is no form of financial partnership between me and him (we split EVERYTHING 50/50)I am very happy with my life with him, we agree on quite everything in life. I love him. He is cute and smart. However I would like to spend the rest of my life close to my family. I really want him to finally confess, take a decision and tell me in my face whether he can commit to that plan or not. He says it is very difficult for him to plan things like that or to let me know whether it can happen in three, five or ten years from now. He knows that my parents do extremely well in country XXX and that we will have support from them always.I am running out of time. My parents are putting enormous pressure on me to come back especially that I have been layed-off from work a few months ago due to the recession. My mom seems to hate my boyfriend now and I will break her heart if choose to stay with him in Canada. I don't want to lose my family and I don't want to lose him. My mom can visit once a year. But she probably won't be able to do that for ever. My dad has done everything possible to make sure that I will have the best life. He keeps telling me not forget that, not to forget him and to go back and settle down next to him. I cannot let my family down. They have been extremely nice to me. But it's not looking good. It seems that sooner or later I will have to take a decision. Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, Legioness  +, writes (20 June 2009):
 I think I have a good idea here, perhaps arrange a meet with your parents, your boyfriend and his mother, and of course your self, but before the meeting time all write down on seperate pieces of paper all the pro's, con's, what you/they'd want you to do, and your ideas on how to resolve this awkward decision. Then all discuss it and try to find a middle ground, something that everyone is happy with. Your/his family shouldn't mind the travel as it's a major issue that needs to be sorted.. Well, I don't personally know them so i'm just taking a guess based on the grounds of common decency and understanding. Also, I think it would be a good idea to sit your boyfriend (without you) with your parents and get them to discuss what problems they have with him, with him, thus resolving any issues they may have with one another, and also giving your boyfriend the opportunity to speak to your parents properly about his intentions with you, and convince them that they're all good and all the best in your interest. X
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