A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I've gotten myself in a big mess here and I'm not sure what to do next. I've got a major crush on my best friend's husband! This is NOT what I wanted to happened or what I planned on. I know many will say she's not my best friend if I could do this, but she really is. We talk almost daily, I know everything about her and we know we can count on each other for ANYTHING! Over the years we've spent holidays together, birthdays together and vacations together and I really do love her. I'm married, got married at 21 because of pregnancy and have always been miserable. While I'm friends with my husband there is no love there, he knows it, she knows it and her husband knows it. Her marriage is so so, not really great, but not nearly as miserable as mine. Since we spend so much time together her husband and I have gotten to be great friends, she knows this and loves this. We have lunch together, once when she and I had plans and she got ill at the last minute she insisted I go out with him, etc. It's gotten to the point he and I also talk or text almost daily. Again she is aware of our closeness. She doesn't know about every text or convo. But she knows we do it a lot! I know I'm attached because of what is lacking in my marriage, but it's driving me crazy not knowing what he's thinking. Many weeks he'll call or text 1st then there are weeks I do. When I text him he usually responds INSTANTLY. It's always just joking around NOTHING sexual and no deep conversations or hey how's ur day going just joking around. I'm schedule to go to the beach w/ them for a week in May and I'm scared to death. Is he really just a friend and I'm seeing more into it because I'm vunerable or is he falling for me. I know either way I can't ever and will NEVER act on these feelings. I honestly believe though if he is intersted that will boost my confidence enough to finally leave my husband because I will know if 1 man I can't have finds me attractive then there has to be a single man out there that feels the same. If he really is just a great friend then I don't want to lose him because of my perceptions, but if he's falling for me I NEED to back away so I don't go any deeper.
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best friend, confidence, crush, friend's husband, text Reply to this Question
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (4 May 2010): Soon567 you echo my sentiments exactly. i also rated you a 5 because you have called it like you see it even though some may take offence to you giving a real answer. i think both you and i can write the ending to the sordid tale. best friends, huh. no hon, from where i am sitting looking in you are not best friends with this woman. you are out to steal her husband. you just act naive and you act innocent and you act as though you care for her. all you want is to sleep with her husband and this man will act on it if you are throwing it out there. it is time to try to act like a real friend and stop making the moves on your friends hisband. he will definately take what you are offering. soory but it is the way i see it.
A
male
reader, CkritAgentMan +, writes (4 May 2010):
Wow, Soon56 you're being a little harsh on her aren't you? YES she's treading on dangerous ground with all the texting, lunch together, conversations etc... Even "ol pals" have to be careful, communications of ANY sort are part of the building blocks that can lead to eventual relationships that surpass the "just friends" level. I have NO idea what kind of marriage your best friend and her husband have, but assuming it's "decent or even good" I would assume the guy has expressed NO interest in you in a way his wife would ever notice. Because if she suspected ANYTHING of the such, you can bet you would NOT be invited on their vacation. The ONLY wife that would still willingly invite you after realizing her husband was lying in wait for his chance at you... that kind of wife would only be 1). A true swapper or open relationship type. Which I doubt as you would know already. or 2). A wife who has a suspicion and is baiting you and her own husband into a trap by putting the two of you in a vacation home for a week just to see what may or may not happen. But outside of that I'd think as far as she knows everything is fine, she trusts you, she trusts her husband and the sky is bright and blue in her world. Also, being best girlfriends I assume you have already told her of your marriage difficulties? So she's just feels like she's being a good friend by providing you an escape via her and her husband spending time with you. (BTW that one reason would make the pain and anger that much larger if you were to get involved with her husband and she found out!)I think what is truly happening here is you are confused, depressed and vulnerable as a result of you own bad marriage. Your confidence is zilch. You, like anyother woman, seek "approval" from men. This is why you are being drawn to your friends husband. It's not him specifically as it's "what he is/represents" that attracts you most. You seek male approval and attention. I hope you realize this and prevent busting up their marriage PLUS your best friendship just for such feelings of approval and attention. I'd suggest you "re-channel" your emotions and even the support your friend and her husband provide. If your marriage truly is bad then get a divorce and use your friend and her husbands support to help you through that difficult time. Find a deserving man and develop a relationship that fulfills your inner-needs. If you do that I think you'll realize what a precious gift you have in your friend and her husbands friendship as well. Staying on track and just busting up a marriage is just asking for alot of hell not only on them but on YOURSELF and you aren't in any pyschological condition right now to be under such added stress.That's my .02c anyway,CAM
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (28 April 2010): You, my dear, have found your way into what is known as an "emotional affair". Do a little research on it and yes, find a way out if you want to stay committed to your marriage.
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