A
male
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:Dated exGF for about a year and a half. For a part of it we were off/on but the "off's" didn't last longer than a day or two. Anyhow, she broke off everything almost 3 months ago, but has continued to contact me, saying she still loves me but "can't date" me etc etc. I have maintained that we made a mistake by breaking up (it was a lame argument) and that we've both learned to be better. She has not budged, although every so often she calls feeling reminiscent and sad and missing me.She now wants to be "friends". We have met for coffee twice and it pains me to see her be so non-chalant. I know that she understands I want more, but she is resistant to that and gets upset when the topic is brought up.Had a hard time with no contact, because our history is that we return to each other, so I keep thinking that each time she contacts me, she will want me back. She tells me that she loves me and misses me, but can't date me because we had problems. I am pretty sure she's not dating anyone else right now. And I wonder if she likes the fact that I'm still desirous of her. Am I wrapped around her finger? Am I just kidding myself? this is torture. Any help is appreciated.
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (30 March 2013): No it ain't fun. For the past year, actually, I have been the recipient of the "come here go away" thing. It sucks because I take it seriously when she said, habitually when she was upset, "we're through" and so forth. I would begin a grieving process and then...poof!!! There she is again. I know it's my fault for permitting this to go on, and to be honest, I contributed also. So, I think that after a year of "come here go away" I started to distance myself a bit, and lo and behold, she breaks up with me. Never again.
A
male
reader, ray potts +, writes (30 March 2013):
Hey, I had the same situation, but I walked away, it hurts for a long time, but DON'T fool yourself she ISN'T thinking of you , just herself.Nine months later and it still hurts, but I did the right thing, I took CONTROL of my life and DIDN'T let her control me.She lost, I didn't; you will smile again one day, one day you will wake up, and you will be yourself again, and if you ever see her again, you will say to yourself, "Why did I boo hoo over her?", the pain will fade away. Smile
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A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (29 March 2013):
 she wants to remain friends to make her self feel better.
you are PWed my man.
cut her off
tell her
ALL OR NOTHING
and stick to it.
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A
female
reader, MyDaysOnceRevolvedAroundYou  +, writes (29 March 2013):
 Hi,I really do feel for you – I have been exactly where you are right now.I know this is the last thing that you want to hear, but this woman is just keeping you around until she finds her ‘something better’ it does literally seem as though she wants you incase she doesn’t actually want someone else. That isn’t fair on you one tiny bit, she knows she is playing on your feelings and emotions and if she was a tiny spec of a decent human being she wouldn’t do it to you – but she is.I really do think as hard as it will be, you need to break off contact with her and try your best to move on. Go out with the guys, have some fun, remember all the fun parts of being single, I’m sure you’ll meet someone before you even expect it, someone who deserves you unlike this woman, because I can tell when you love someone, you love them wholly and most women love and respect this.Please just cut off contact, I know it will be hard, but it will pay off in the long run.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (29 March 2013): I can kind of relate to what she is going through. Before my current boyfriend I had never broken up with any of my exes until the final break. And then it was done. And for the years it lasted we were unquestionably together through thick and thin. No on and off bullshit. I love my current boyfriend but we have this on and off thing going and it is so draining and annoying. We break up like every week. I've never had this before. With all my exes we worked through our problems maturely. On the other hand, all of my current boyfriends past relationships have always been on and off. So this is a pattern he is used to and has never learned to cope with normal relationship situations other than stomping off furiously while saying its over only to come back a few days later with his tail between his legs apologizing for the unnecessary production. Your girlfriend probably got sick of dealing with the stupidity that is "on and off." And good for her. She probably does love you but does not want to deal with such an immature way of coping with normal and natural relationship issues. Life is short and she wants to spend it with someone she can be "on" with and happy with all the time. Forget the "off."I'm telling you from my own experience it is not fun.
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