A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:myself and my ex boyfriend broke up 2 years ago when he went abroad. I was suppose to go out after him but decided I wasnt ready for the commitment. He has done alot of the chasing for the last two years and was always the one to contact me. He recently told me he had started dating someone. A girl that his best fried used to date, she was madly in love with his friend but he went home and didnt contact her once he was home. My ex told me about this girl and his friend and said that she wasnt good looking. Now he is going out with her? when he told me he was in a relationship he said he didnt want to go out with her and it wasnt serious. I was devistated when i found out and told him, he made it clear that he would like to be with me, but had made a commitment to this girl and we couldnt be together anyway as we live in different countries. I then decided that I needed to commit to him and move over to him to make things work. When I rang him again he was a diiferent person and said that i was messing with his head. That I onl want him nnow that he has a girlfriend and how would things work for us if we havent seen each other in 2 years. I told him we can no longer be in contact and we havent spoke since, its been 5 weeks should i contact and say Im happy to just be friends or should I just move on? i cant decide if he actual really likes this girl?
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broke up, different countries, has a girlfriend, move on, my ex Reply to this Question
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female
reader, So_Very_Confused  +, writes (19 May 2014):
 I think he's right.. you just wanted what you couldn't have.
As long as he was "available" to you, it was fine to not be with him... now that he's "off the market" you want him. NOT cool
move on... do not attempt to be friends or make amends.
A
male
reader, CMMP +, writes (18 May 2014):
I agree with honeypie. Where were you when he was chasing you and he didn't have a girlfriend?
He probably told you those things about her because he didn't want to hurt you. I'm sure in an ideal world he'd chose you, but I've been in his situation (where an ex you really cared for dumped you and wants you back after you meet someone else), and it's hard to dump the new person who's making you realize that you don't need the old person anymore, all for a slim chance that the old person actually does want you back.
I realize that was poorly worded but I don't feel like finding a better way to put it.
The bottom line is that you don't really want him, you just want the little bit of heart break that you have to go away.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie + ♥, writes (18 May 2014):
 I think your ex is being honest and rational. Whether he likes her, loves her, or is with her because SHE is there is none of your business.
I also think he is right. That you only want him (2 years later) because he now has a GF.
I think you should let him go. It was your suggestion to go no contact, so keep doing that. Time for you to let him go. There are still some emotions between you two, so being friends is not going to work. It will only hold BOTH of you back from life.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (18 May 2014): Lady, it's been two years. Move on. He shouldn't be talking to you, either. It kind of sounds like you're the 'Robin' to his 'Ted' and that's just not cool.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (18 May 2014): When he started dating her, he did so out of loneliness, convenience and just the fact that he couldn't have you. This is obvious by the statements he made about her: she's not good looking, it isn't serious, he is only with her because he can't be with you, you are the one he truly wants to be with, etc. i don't think he was lying. He probably genuinely felt that way. But here is where it all went wrong. It IS true that you want him now only because he has a girlfriend and he saw right through it. You left him hanging for two years and now that he met somebody you want to drop everything and commit to him. You haven't even seen him in two years! He wants you to like him for him and not just like him and be willing to go the extra mile for him only when you risk losing him. That's not fair and he is justified to feel the way he does, that you are messing with his head. You can't have your cake and eat it too. The appropriate thing to do would've been to tell him that you are happy for him and let him ride out the relationship. And in the meantime be his friend. So now you've got yourself in a bigger dilemma because you've asked him not to contact you anymore. If I were you I would definitely try to redeem myself, call him, apologize to him, admit your fault at the least. If you can handle a friendship with him and are willing to accept his life as it is unfolding at the moment without expecting anything more from him, or jumping through hoops so that you don't lose him, then suggest remaining friends with him like you were before. And actually just be his friend and show respect for his new life with another girl. I think he saw your actions to be somewhat distasteful and disrespectful...not to mention selfish. Let him be, and you be dignified, be fair and remain his friend.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (18 May 2014): Who cares if he likes this girl or not?! YOU are his EX. You made your decision that you didn't want him two years ago, now you have to let him be, do what he wants and see who he wants.
Have you had another boyfriend since you broke up? I think that you need to take example from your ex and start seeing someone else and move on from him. Not talking is a good start.
You made the right decision two years ago when you broke up. You weren't ready then and it would have been a mistake. You should however, have left it there and not led this poor boy on for two years.
Let him be. It does not matter if he really likes her or not. If he does, good for him. If he doesn't, with time he'll find someone else. His business is no longer yours. Don't contact him again and focus on moving on yourself.
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