A
female
age
36-40,
*ori420
writes:I didnt see myself searching for relationship advice on the internet but im desperate. im 23 and my bf is 25 we been together for almost a year. living together under my moms roof. we both love each other alot were pretty content besides for a couple issues. he has a record and it prevents him from finding work. for that reason alone everyone including my family despies him. well our lease is up in 2 months and i have to follow my mom. when i mentioned it to him that he cant stay with us we got into a big fight while i was driving. he got out the car and i went back home and my mom wanted him out. i knew he would walk back and break down when he knew i locked him out to pack his things. he got out of control and i had to end up calling the police which they took him to jail for his warrents. this was yesterday. he is released and him and his things are at his gmas. my family was put through a lot and they dont want me to see or talk to him again. we havent talked but once bit not a lot was said. this was our first fight. i really do love him and I miss him so much. i know he has to work on his behavior find work and a place to stay before we can work but everyone despies him. i dont want to upset anyone but i want to be happy. not one person has been any help towards that. idk what to do. anyone have any advice. everyone thinks he is aggressive and wrong for me but i know him to the core. please help
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female
reader, Miamine  +, writes (7 February 2010):
 Your 23, he is 25. You are both adults. You don't "have" to go with your mum, you choose to live with her. She's not his mother, she doesn't have to have him in her house. If you love him, if he's as wonderful as you say, move out, get a place together, and you can take care of him. 25 years old is too bloody old to be crying and screaming because your girlfriends mother wants to move. 23 years old is too bloody old to say, "I can't see you because my mother said no". Are you adults or are you children? A criminal record makes finding work hard, but not impossible. I'm glad the police arrested him, he needs to fix them outstanding warrants. Once he's paid back for all his crime, then he needs to talk to the probation service about how to find help with work and housing. I'm not sure how it works in the USA, but in the UK, once he is finished with warrants and sentences, he is eligible for work, and if the crimes are misdemeanour's it's illegal to discriminate him for what he has done in the past. He did the crime, he needs to pay for it. When that is finished he can grow up and turn over a new leaf.
A
female
reader, pinktopaz +, writes (7 February 2010):
You pick your friends, not your family.
You wrote, "he has a record and it prevents him from finding work."
Now you write that his record is clear and he can find work. So what is it? You call the cops on him after he walked home and you locked him out of the house that he also lives in. What did you expect him to do? Be happy? You say he was screaming and crying to talk to you, so instead you called the cops? I'm surprised if he even wants to talk to you again.
No one can help you because you're one of those women that will always make excuses for a man. One minute he's this, now the next he's that. Anyway, we know you'll go back to him no matter what anyone says. Hope it works out for you, good luck.
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A
female
reader, Lori420 +, writes (7 February 2010):
Lori420 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionOk understand having a record isnt the best but my brother has a crazy record and he was aggressive but he did his time like my bf and is happily married. My bf now has a clear record. He can find work. My bf broke down when he knew my mom wouldnt let me see or talk to him. I told her we got into our first fight and he is walking back. She wanted him and his things out. I did so but he just cried and screamed outside to talk to me. He seriously was crying i never seen that from a guy. Asside from that mess we get along great and he really makes me happy. I need to handle alot of things and he does too but im not sure if i should see if things can be repaired or just try to one on. I really love him. He has alot of good inside him too.
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A
male
reader, CaringGuy +, writes (7 February 2010):
They took him to jail for outstanding warrents? He was taken away because of other warrents? Your family are right! Okay, I can handle him to going to jail once. But he got so angry and out of control you had to call the police and he was then arrested AGAIN. This is how women end up dead. They think a man has changed, they think it will get better. Then surprise, one argument and you have to call the police. It'll happen again, I bet you all the money in the world. And it will then happen again. You are playing with fire. He isn't the core at all. This is a man who has a record, came to you and has now proved that he is unworthy. He was arrested for other outstanding warrents, apart from you having to call the police because he lost it. You are walking into danger and misery with this man. His reaction has only proved that he isn't worthy. If he had understood, not reacted the way he did, then I would say that he had changed. But you needed to call the police to him, and that says it all. Listen to your family this time.
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A
female
reader, pinktopaz +, writes (7 February 2010):
So everyone thinks he's a dirtbag and aggressive except you. However, you know he has a record and you had to call the cops since he became overly aggressive? Umm, that makes no sense how you would believe the way that everyone else thinks is untrue. Maybe it's from all the pot you've been smoking Lori420, but from what you described he sounds pretty loserish to me, but if you love a loser then that's your own choice, you are an adult; however, I'm sure your family is the way that they are towards him because they love you and know and would like to see you do better than this douche.
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