A
female
age
26-29,
anonymous
writes:Hi everyone. This is more of a health question than a relationship question but could anyone help? I have been with my boyfriend about 5 months now, everything is great, except we've had a few er problems in the bedroom. He always gets an erection easily but as soon as we're about the have sex it just goes...it doesn't happen every time, I'd say maybe a third of the time? He never has this problem with blow jobs or masturbation. The first few times we put it down to tiredness but now he's worried he might have an actual problem and he gets really embarresed and angry when it happens. What do you think might be the cause and is there anything I can do to help? We're both only 19 and he doesn't smoke or drink excessively, but he eats really unhealthily, like no fruit or veg, could that have something to do with it? Or could it be something to do with condoms? Or is it just stress and it will go away? Any advice or help is welcome please! Thanks.
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female
reader, So_Very_Confused  +, writes (17 June 2013):
 It could be the condoms if they are too small... try bigger ones...
To be honest my FIRST thought however was since he's fine with blow jobs or masturbation is that he's worried about pregnancy...
what birth control are you on (to me condoms are fore disease prevention NOT birth control)
IF you are using just condoms for BC, that may very well be why he loses his erection for intercourse but not other activities.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (17 June 2013): If he's overall healthy...how much porn is this guy watching? It's becoming a lot more common for young men to get way too hung up on porn and when it comes to being with a real women live and in person, they go limp because their getting way over stimulated, quickly and easily and that's why they get almost if not addicted to it.You can ask him this, without putting him into the defensive and he can decide what he wants to do about it. If he is watching a lot, ask him if he would refrain for about a week or so...I will bet you anything, if this is the culprit, you will both see a dramatic change in what's going on, and for the better. Maybe he just needs to see the proof first hand. And maybe after seeing that because of the decline of porn watching and much better sex/performance, etc. with you, he will cut down on his own.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (16 June 2013): If the issue is condoms, then it may be necessary to adjust the size, whether too tight or too large. There are condoms on the market that feel nearly non-existent, and sexual lubricants that enhance male and female sexual pleasure.Try experimenting with the high-end lubricants and condoms, and you may see a difference. DO NOT PERFORM INTERCOURSE WITHOUT A CONDOM UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES!!!You run the risk of HIV, unwanted pregnancy,and STD infections. If he's not comfortable using condoms, then I suggest you don't have penetrative sex, and continue with oral sex. Even with condoms, you are not 100% safe; but it's better than no condom at all.Too many foolish people put aside protection for a moment of "feel-good" pleasure. Then once they catch herpes or some other disease, they blame the one who infected them for their own lack of comment-sense and good judgement.As a female, you run more risks without a condom than he does. Keep that in mind.
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A
female
reader, xAx +, writes (16 June 2013):
 I noticed that you asked if his problem has to do with condoms. Condoms don't give men erectile dysfunction. It's just an excuse made so that don't have to wear one.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (16 June 2013): I can think of a few things:Stress/anxiety: if he feels you're too good for him, or if he feels he won't be able to satisfy you, or if you have made fun of his manhood (even unintentionally)Masturbation: masturbation gives the guy a very intense feeling. If he is used to it, the vagina may not be able to help him maintain his erection. The feeling is simply "not enough"Bodybuilding: bodybuilders can be very disappointing in sex. specially the ones who use hormones to grow muscle.Something inside the vagina: You said he doesn't have problems during oral or masturbation. So it might be something inside the vagina. I remember my wife had to put some medication into her vagina. It was supposed to be absorbed by her body, but it didn't. I felt it and it gave my a very unpleasant feeling.(Or it may be just a piece of flesh that doesn't feel right. Have you tried to feel your inside?)Among all those causes, the most probable one is anxiety.Hope that helps.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (15 June 2013): Poor diet has a lot to do with overall health and can affect sexual performance; but most 19 year-old's consume trash diets and perform just fine, sexually. It certainly will not hurt to increase his proteins, eat more veggies and fruits. His body is still growing and developing. Encourage him to eat a proper diet and drink lots of water. He is quite inexperienced, and his problem is only a matter of frequency and preference. Sometimes a guy only needs oral sex or to masturbate for gratification. The full act of intercourse is not always needed (nor desired) and he may have masturbated the morning, and/or afternoon, prior to attempting intercourse with you. At his age, and up until his early thirties, he will masturbate frequently. Sometimes several times in a day.Not to be worried. He can still perform and have intercourse.If he hasn't had a physical exam in awhile, he should bring it up to his doctor next visit. He may have a vitamin deficiency, or an undiagnosed illness. I doubt it's that serious.Don't make a big deal out of it, and don't try to control his erections. You can provoke one; but his brain has to do the rest. Sometimes he is tired; and believe it or not, guys are not always in the mood for you.You're not a married couple, so he has no need to regulate the frequency of his masturbation. That's a personal choice; and really none of anybody's business.Just like women, a man has to be in the mood for a particular sex act. He may not always desire penetrative sex. Please refrain from trying to make a diagnosis. It only adds to his performance anxiety. He is a human being, not a machine.The less concerned you are, the better off he'll be.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (15 June 2013): The more he thinks about it the worse it's going to be. If he is overweight the blood circulation can be cut off. He has fears of performance, & you just need to put him at ease & hide any frustration you may feel. Be loving & understanding. At least he is honest with you which is a big plus. Some guys blame the girl which never works out. Honesty is key in any relationship. If he relies on porn, that seems to minimize what they are capable of in the bedroom as well. He will be reluctant to admit he watches it. If he does admit it. Watch it with him & see what it is that he seems to be attracted to & go from there. However, not to be made a habit. Only as a learning tool for you to understand him better. If all else fails He may need to see a specialist.
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