A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I have a question for those who have successfully used online dating and have found great matches and/or partners.I'm only 20, but finding boyfriends has always been difficult for me for a number of reasons, which I'll spare you from reading. Online date sites were a dream come true for me because I could seemingly get to know someone (I know some people lie and can't be trusted on them! No lectures, please) without worrying about being awkward face to face. Though, I've always felt like online dating sites are looked down upon by many people. Nevertheless, about nine months ago, I started using one and have been out on several dates. Now, I believe I have found a guy of real boyfriend potential. We've really hit it off in person and I'm feeling the chemistry. My family knows I use this site and I'm very open with them about it, particularly for matters of safety. They see no problem in it, as I have proven that I do checks on the people I meet and have my ways of being safe. Now they know how super excited I am about this new guy.However, I am super embarrassed about my online dating whenever I think of telling my friends. I always lie and tell them that I know the guys I'm meeting through other friends they don't know. I think they will think it is strange because I'm young and seemingly sociable and that the internet is often told to be full of pedophiles and criminals (yes, I know that they really are there, but they exist in real life too; no lectures). I think they will look down on me and think it is crazy. I'm hoping this new guy will turn into something serious. So, my friends will inevitably find out I'm dating someone if it does and they will of course start asking questions, but I don't want to tell them how he and I met or how I know him, which I know will be one of the first things they ask. I don't want to admit I use dating sites.Is it weird to feel this embarrassed? Did anyone else feel the same or slightly like this? How do I get over this feeling? Should I care what they think? Should I just lie? Could this new guy think it's insulting that I don't want to admit the truth of how we met? Please help! Thank you!
View related questions:
the internet Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, Dlawube  +, writes (13 June 2011):
 My dear, there is nothing to be embrrassed of, you'r matured to know what you wont and your parents are in suport of wat u do. Open up to them, who knows at the end some may come to you for help! But be careful who you meet online, before u give your self in, do a bit of reshearch on who ever you meet.
A
female
reader, youngmum89  +, writes (13 June 2011):
 heya, I don't think there's anything wrong with internet dating, I think if you comfortable enough with it then go with it. I met my current boyfriend in a similar situation, I didn't meet him on a dating site but on an actual social network called tagged, I'm with him 20 months now and I can honestly say that its been the best 20 months of my life( apart from having my son)he's great with my son whose 6 now, I trust him with everything, all my friends know how I met him and my family know how I met him too, they have all met him loads of times an they love him just as much as I do, we have talked about marriage and having more kids he already has a son from a previous relationship. he still lives at home with his parents so do i, we hope to move in together next year depending on our money situation. not as many people turn there nose up at the idea of internet dating as you think, alot of people do it an i mean loads, i wish you so many happy memories and good times with this person. don't think to much into people been disgusted about internet dating, as for your friends tell them how you met him don't be ashamed, at first if they think the idea is a bit weird when they get to know him they'll think different and maybe 1 day they'll try it themselves.
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (13 June 2011): I wouldn't be ashamed to tell your friends if i were you.. I went on AYI on facebook because a friend of mine was on it and their was this ridiculously handsome guy on it so i joined up just to talk to him and we were both a great match it turned out that he worked across the road from where i went to college and we had mutual friends so we met for a Coffee and i was Smitten, 9 months on were still together I have never been so happy and i love him to bits, so i believe online dating can work and once you have found someone that makes you happy, im sure your friends will be happy for you too, you probably know way more about this guy from talking to him daily then a guy you would meet at a bar, so concentrate on your relationship first and when the time is right introduce him to your friends and if they ask were you met tell them straight and don't be embarrassed or ashamed im certainly not.. Its your happiness at the end of the day :)
...............................
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (13 June 2011): Online dating is a great option for many and I see it becoming used more and more in the future.
What I love about it is the fact that - for those who take it seriously and actually fill out their profiles - you get to know a bit about a person before deciding whether or not you want to pursue them further. With regular dating, what happens? You meet someone and you have to go through a life resume with this person to see if they're the right fit. And if not, then you have to repeat the process, over and over again.
I'm not suggesting online dating is perfect - because it's not and it is susceptible to abuse (as you've mentioned). Nor am I suggesting that actually meeting face-to-face is no longer required in this day in age. But it is a nice option to have. To me, it's akin to 'trying-before-buying'.
Given the way technology has advanced over the last 10 years, you shouldn't feel embarrassed about telling people how you met. If friends or family members begin to give you lip, remind them of all the things you can do online nowadays that used to be required in person before - banking, shopping, talking with friends/socializing etc...The natural progression to 'meeting-strangers-who-could-potentially-turn-into-friends-or-more' was inevitable.
If I were you, I'd put the feelings aside and just be truthful and open about how you met (assuming this guy is legit - always do your background checks to make sure the person is who they say they are). Who knows, you might actually see your friends go online and make a profile on a dating site after your success!
btw, I'm 22 - in your age range - so don't think online dating is only for the older, divorced folks with 5 kids...while there's lots of those kinds of people, there are an increasing number of younger people. Remember, just be safe and have fun!
...............................
A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (13 June 2011):
 I would not say it's weird, but surely it does not have to be your guilty secret ! for 3 different reasons :
- everybody does it, at some point in life, for some length of time. Some people does not want to admit it , like you, but it's objectively a very pervasive phenomen in current times. You are not an exception or a rarity at all, trust me.
- you are young but it's never too early to live by this rule : if you are ashamed of something- then just don't do it. Maturity is also owning your actions , and keeping doing something you are ashamed of will erode your self esteem and self image. So either you stop being ashamed, or you stop doing it. And that's a good rule for EVERYTHING in life.
- You are ok with the dating site, your potential bf is Ok too, even your family is ok with it. So the main characters of the play are all ok- the others are minor , supporting roles and don't have a say.
They are friends, Ok- but you don't have to justify yourself in the eyes of your friends for living your life the way you want. Do you ask your friends' permission for the books you read, the clothes you wear, the jobs you apply for ? No right ? Your friends may have different tastes and differents choices... in books and clothing, and in how to get a man. That's cool- you can agree to disagree , and respect and support each other nevertheless.
Said that, a word of caution . Don't have too high expectations about a happily forever, and don't consider it a deal done just yet. I don't know if the web is really so full of criminals and pedophiles , because I never met any. But surely, based on my experiences of those of ALL the women I know, is brimming with flakes and time wasters, and while I DO know some girls who have found a good mate through dating sites, in percentage the number of success stories is really minuscule.
So , in conclusion : do what you want , not what your friends want, but keep your eyes wide open and.. don't send those wedding invitations just yet OK ?:)
...............................
A
male
reader, memyselfandi2  +, writes (13 June 2011):
Those who matter don't mind and those who mind don't matter :)
Its normal to be embarrassed about meeting someone online but many people do it and it is very common. I would just make sure if I were you why this guy went online to meet a girl if hes as great as you described him. He could be nice but he does have a flaw...hence the online dating
...............................
|
