A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I'm a seventeen year old girl and quite frankly...I'm completely confused. A few months ago the guy I was in love with broke up with me. I've had plenty of "likes" but never feelings quite like the ones I had for him. When it first happened I was devastated, I never thought I could move on yet finally I did. When I found J, it was...amazing. I had dated other guys since the break up but when he and I got close I was over my ex and really wanted to start new. But I still had fears about falling too fast and J would make that so easy. Falling, I mean. It would be simple and quick. Just because we've been friends for so long and always had that connection we can't explain. Even though I wanted him, I turned him down. I just couldn't bring myself to opening up to a relationship again, making myself vulnerable to heartbreak. I know it hurt him really badly, he stopped talking to me for a while. Then I met K, at a school dance and we hit it off. He's so charismatic but beneath all that personality is so much pain and he's just this insecure, innocent guy. He and I have been talking everyday since we met and I've really opened up to him. There's two problems though. Firstly, as much as I've opened up to him...I feel completely judged by him. And I know he's trying really hard to accept me and everything about my past...but he can't. He always expects the worst of me and Secondly, His pace and mine are so different. I feel like maybe we want different things? I haven't asked him about what he wants since he's told me before how much he likes our current pace and pushing things further would be pressuring him. Now I'm ready for a relationship, I'm actually okay with giving my heart to someone and having faith that they're worth any pain it may cause me to do so. I like K but I feel like J is someone I'm always going to go back to, always going to be affected by. Yet K has been hurt so many times I refuse to be another one of those girls who does that to him :/ So in a way...it's like I've taken an emotional responsibility for him. I just...don't know who to chose. Should I be selfish? Or Selfless? And I don't know how to tell either of them my decision. :/
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male
reader, 11muds11  +, writes (8 December 2010):
Your first insticts are right. He doesn't at all seem like to be the right guy for you. There's a reason why K has been hurt. And from what you've said, he seems like not the right guy for you.
It's time to be totally single again. Let J know that you're available. But love is about timing. I suspect that you'll end up with L.
Be strong and break it off with K. Time to be single again and then it'll be easier to find the right guy.
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