A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I got out of a 6 year long distance relationship because it went absolutely nowhere a few years ago and then met my current partner. We moved in together, lived together 2 years and it was great. I had no doubts, we had a great time together. He then got sent to work abroad by his company so I now have - you guessed it - another LDR which I so do not want. This has now taken almost a year out of my life and I don't want to waste any more time on it, especially as I can't find work there at the moment and he's not coming back any time soon. He enjoys women's company and I really can't see him staying without a girl for long and I'm having serious doubts about whether he's faithful although he swears he is. He says he can't be blamed for the situation and it would be unfair and selfish of me to leave him because of it, but he was well aware of my previous LDR relationship and that I had said never again. He also says imagine if I broke up and then suddenly something changes for either of us that enables us to be together, then I'll probably regret it and he might have moved on with someone else. Now I'm full of doubts and I don't know what to do.
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female
reader, So_Very_Confused  +, writes (6 March 2012):
 It would be unfair and selfish of him to guilt you into staying with him too but that’s what he’s doing when he says it is unfair and selfish of you to leave him because of the situation. Folks make choices all the time based on situations. IF something changes and neither of you is in another relationship then maybe it will work.
NOT everyone is cut out for an LDR. I just finished one. We finished it when my partner opted to give up his life, his apartment, ALL his friends and finally his JOB and move 2 hours to be with me. LDRs only work if they are on the fast track to NOT being LDRs.
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (6 March 2012): I definitely think you are masking your commitment fears by being in LDRs and also being with guys who aren't the most emotionally available...whether through their own commitmentphobia or distance.It's scary having to date and get to know someone in real life without that built in distance, someone who is going to see the real YOU on a daily basis. However, if you don't want to be alone the rest of your life, you have to have enough courage to date with no built in obstacles. LDRs allow the guy to have relationships with only one foot in while you remain in a fantasy with both your feet in. You'll never truly get the type of committment you want from a guy unless he has both feet solidly in your relationship. He can only do that through actions, incorporating his life into yours, and that doesn't happen from far away. You might get lucky and be the exception with a long distance guy, but the odds are stacked way high against that. Each failure will lower your esteem and faith in relationships, a vicious cycle. No one can tell you to leave or stick with it...you'll either decide to live in fantasy for years hidden from available men or get lonely and empty handed enough you'll make the transition.
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