A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I left an emotional and physically abusive relationship, but still i am experiencing "trauma bonding"I moved to another town so he wouldn't find me, so i never see himDoes the trauma bonding ever stop?Please advice on how to cope... Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, Euphoric29  +, writes (8 September 2013):
Dear OP,
Very well done! To get some physical and geographical distance from that man is already one of the most important steps. Stay "no contact" at all costs, never call or text him, delete his number and forget it if you can.
It takes time to get over any kind of relationship, not just an abusive one. But the abuse might have destroyed some part of your self-esteem and made you feel more dependent than if you had had a loving and caring partner. So you will need patience to heal from this and discover your independency again.
You were already strong enough to save yourself from this relationship, a lot of people aren't. So I believe in your ability to learn how to protect yourself in the future.
Since you're in another town now, you might feel lonely at first and need some time to accomodate to the new place and find new friends. So it would be good if you had a counsellor, self-help group or something similar to talk to.
I wish you all the best.
A
female
reader, Daisy_Daisy  +, writes (6 September 2013):
 I'd like to second Aunty Babbit: very well done for breaking away and getting yourself to a safe place.
All pains subside with time, so the pain of the relationship will subside, the scars will fade. But what's important is addressing why you ended up with an abusive partner and whether or not there are reasons from your upbringing that need to be addressed. That's where professional help comes in.
These things can have a habit of repeating themselves, where a person might go from one abusive partner to another. I dearly hope that doesn't happen to you.
If you can't seek professional support, or need some support in the meantime, try reading these links:
http://www.shambhala.org/teachers/pema/qa5.php
http://ask.metafilter.com/187808/What-are-some-of-the-best-selfhelp-books-you-read-after-leaving-an-abusive-relationship
All the best x
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (6 September 2013): It will stop after you see a traumatologist about your PTSD?
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A
female
reader, Aunty Babbit +, writes (6 September 2013):
 You can overcome trauma bonding but it usually requires counselling.
You've made a brave step and it was very sensible to move away but the trauma bond will be making you feel a need to return. Better the devil you know and all that.
Hang on in there and get some professional help. Google trauma bonding, there's some fantastic guidelines and practical advice but nothing will be as good as one to one, face to face therapy with a counsellor specialising in abusive relationships.
You can survive this and there is a better future out there for you.
Well done you.
I hope this helps AB x
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