A
male
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:My girlfriend and myself share two daughters. Our first is 26 months and our second is 4 months old. My girlfriend had a bad time of it having our youngest and she needed help giving birth as she wasnt feeling right after 29 hours in labour. Both were fine but ever since my girlfriend hasnt wanted sex or even share a bath with me. We stopped having sex when her pregnancy started to make her unwell so we have not been together like that for nearly 5 months. Im not asking this because i miss sex but because i'm worried about my girlfriend and if she blames me for getting her pregnant and for causing her all the pain. She wont even kiss me like we should anymore. I dont have a sister and i cant ask my mom so is this normal behaviour or should she seek help? I hate not being with her and i dont want our relationship to end but she wont tell me what is wrong! Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (7 December 2012): Having a baby is no easy feat as you will be aware of, it takes a lot out of your body physically and emotionally.. Your hormones are all over the place for nearly a year afterwards.. You wife went through a very traumatic time long labour does that .. I totally agree with everything SVC you need to give her more time and space to tell you what is wrong.. Why not leave her note(SVC did an email) leave it with a bunch of her favourite flowers and chocolates, tell her how much you love her and your family, that though you didn't go through it you can see that she exhausted and you want to talk about things you can do help more... And you understand she not ready for the heavy stuff, and you'll be quite happy with the cuddles and kisses until she is..Now this will be hard, and you will get frustrated but you have to think she carried your precious baby for 9months and had difficult birth, she also is raising with you a toddler.. She needs love, reassurance support with no hidden agenda.So get the idea of divorce out our head.. Just because you haven't had nookie for 5 months is no reason for divorce.. So stop that ..Do the note, leave the gesture flowers etc, and more importantly talk..Hope all goes well.. Keep us posted.. And btw congratulations to,you both on the baby..
A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (7 December 2012):
 two kids in just under two years is a lot of wear and tear on a woman's body.
a 4 months old and a toddler is exhausting my boys are 27 months apart... it was HARD...
if she had a hard labor and birth she may still at 4 months be recovering.
I doubt she blames you for getting her pregnant as it takes two to tango. I also doubt strongly that this lack of affection and sexual desire is about YOU. It rarely is.
But she may have post-partum depression (I had after my second a mild case) she may have a hormonal imbalance.
if she labored long and hard and needed repair work she may still have residual pain, if she had a C-section she had major surgery and was cut wide open and is not feeling 100% yet trust me.
If she's breast feeding the baby (and the toddler as I did) she may not want to be touched after a day with the babies.
she may not kiss you like she should because she is afraid you will take it as an invite to more sexual activity and she does not want that....
you are going to have to talk to HER about it...
I sent my husband an email yesterday that said "I need you" I need hubby time do you have time tonight? and he said "not tonight I have to do such and such" BUT it put the notion in his head that I need and want him without the pressure of RIGHT HERE RIGHT NOW... and I noticed that he's very much more attentive and receptive today...
Perhaps she is just so focused on the kids right now that she has forgotten to let you know she loves you and needs you.
...............................
A
female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (6 December 2012):
 There could be lots off different things wrong which are making her feel like this. But you have a right to be concerned if she is not showing any affection at all. It could be because she had a horrific birth she does not feel sexy any more. Maybe she feels she is not attractive to you any more, maybe she is stressed with two young children, maybe she has lost her sex drive, or worse it could be she has PND (post-natal depression).
I guess the only thing you can do is to sit down with her once the children are in bed, make it nice and relaxing and tell her you are really worried about her. Say you miss the closeness that you both shared, you miss the intimacy and affection. Explain to her how this makes you feel, how you think she might be blaming you and ask her to open up and talk to you about this so that you are both not pushed apart. Good luck.
...............................
|
