A
male
age
41-50,
*ove my wife
writes:my wife and i are so in love with each other, the only thing is that we disagree on the finances. every time there is a discrepency in our budget and i take care of it she wants to call and see if she can get it taken care of faster. example: there was a discrepency in our checking account. i called and got it taken care of, but the funds would not be put in our account for 7-10 days. she wanted to call and see if she couldnt get it in faster. normally i wouldnt mind, but when she takes care im supposed to just trust her, which i do wholeheartedly. does my wife not trust me to take care of these things, or is there a bigger issue that im not seeing? i could be reading too much into this, and i hope i am, but its been on my mind and would like anothers point of view. its been causing arguments and im worried it could hurt our marriage. i love my wife and dont want money or trust to come between us. ive never given her any reason to not trust mr, so im confused why this is happening lately. please help!
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reader, anonymous, writes (4 November 2009): Hey man, welcome to married life.You're looking at this wrong, she does TRUST you. This isn't about trust, this is about...She can do it BETTER than you can. She knows you can handle it, she just thinks she can do it BETTER.Here's what I mean, you said: there was a discrepency in our checking account. i called and got it taken care of, but the funds would not be put in our account for 7-10 days.Here's my point: she wanted to call and see if she couldnt get it in faster. I hate to say it, but it's like when you have kids. Sure, they can do something, but sometimes you just DO IT YOURSELF, because it's faster, easier, and often BETTER RESULTS.Time to sit down and talk about this, sooner or later she'll be doing EVERYTHING. She probably doesn't realize it, but you're lucky it's only the finances.If you start to notice she's doing this in other aspects, time to sit down and talk - if not you'll start being dominated in your marriage.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (4 November 2009): Sounsd like her actions are making you question your own value. Her actions seem unfair, as you've said when she does something she knows it's right and your to trust her, but when you do something, she has to do it again before she trusts you. How many times are you willing to live this sad existance? After a few times, is she not satisfied that you are capable of making things happen? Is it always her way or the highway?The two of you need to sit down and talk about how this makes you feel. Her constant second guessing of you is causing you to start second guessing yourself and it's effecting your self image. Consider couples counciling, it may be a great way to get this out in the light!At least your aware of what's going on... most people are not.
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