A
male
age
41-50,
*pforlife
writes:About a year ago my ex wife told me she wanted a divorce. It devastated me I lost 60 pounds in a month; yeah I was a big boy. I tried so hard to get her to stop the divorce. I got down on my knees and begged her. I wanted our son to have both his parents. She said no and laughed at me. Come to find out, after looking at the phone bill she had met someone else. This was the whole reason she was hiding her phone by taking it on runs and in the shower with her. When I confronted her about it when it was happening she told me that I was not to worry she was waiting on a phone call. But her phone was always on silent. So we were splitting up and she got brutal. Put a restraining order sayin that I hit her which since it never happened it didn’t hold. The she started telling people I have ptsd (post traumatic stress disorder) which I don’t. This was all for full custody meaning I could never see my son again. I fought for him and won 50 50. Which is great because now when she leaves the state for another duty station I get full custody because I’m a civilian. After a while she wanted to meet and I said no and she reacted badly. Saying I was all "hell bent" on 50 50. I finally agreed or more like gave in. We met and it was awkward. Then after a while she wanted to meet again to discuss our son. And we did. She is now in another state for school and she wants to talk to our son every day. The problem is a 2 year old wont sit for that long. And the conversation always turns to me and what me and our son did for the day. Well all of this didn’t start until I attended a betterment seminar. While there I realized I treated my ex and everyone around me like crap. I was an A hole. I've changed cause I don’t want my son to grow up like the old me. What I'm asking is since I’ve changed and been open minded which in turn creates more playful talk would she consider me again? Meaning she is loosening up to me. Due to the fact that I’m involving her with our son and I think she sees the changes in my new open mind. Is it possible that we can be a family together again? The only thing is when conversations get to fun or personal she draws away quickly. I think she starts to realize that she’s swaying and she’s not ready
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divorce, ex-wife, my ex Reply to this Question
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male
reader, mpforlife +, writes (24 May 2009):
mpforlife is verified as being by the original poster of the question she finally emailed me and asked if i was there with my son for a web cam visit but since she didnt reply i planned a date and a sitter. i told her no we were not there and she replied with you said weekends. i told her that she didnt reply and im out to dinner. so she started texting me and bothering me during dinner asking if she could call and talk to our son. i said tomorrow. she said tomorrow she will see me on webcam. and i said no a phone call will do because i have plans for the next day also. she continued on and i said have a nice evening. she was upset. look i wanna be afamily again but if she has something on her mind then i think she should just say it. am i wrong for not waiting for her anymore and blowing people off for my son to talk to the ex? which ends up as us joking and talking about stuff hes done or what we did for the day.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (23 May 2009): i think her behaviour displayed today speaks volumes, doesn't it. i now also agree with the male anon. its time for you to start your life without her," as a single, eligible man". good luck
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A
male
reader, mpforlife +, writes (23 May 2009):
mpforlife is verified as being by the original poster of the questionwell today i set ground rules i told her that the web cam thing everyday is not working for me. i told her i have a life to and i want to do things. she replied with i didnt mean to inconveniance you and she would work around. my schedule for talks everyday with my son. i said weekends only would work. she didnt reply. plus when we were talking today she had a visitor in her hotel room and she was more concerned with joking with that person from the side than talking to her son. and now that she has someone to hang with she didnt want to talk to me.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (22 May 2009): What a fool. It wasn't just you that let this marriage go south. You account for your wrongs, and she hasn't. Divorce her if you havent already, do not let her back in, and then start embracing and living a new life as a single eligible MAN.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (21 May 2009): what ever you do - just don't get hurt anymore.
has she given any indictaion that she is seeing someone else. why don't you just ask her.
have you considered that maybe she is playing "nice" just so that she can get your kid again?
whatever the reason, just don't let her mess you about. you deserve better and you are trying to do the right thing going forward.
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A
male
reader, mpforlife +, writes (21 May 2009):
mpforlife is verified as being by the original poster of the questiontoday we talked on web cam again. one thing i have noticed is that he outfits are getting kinda relaxed on web cam. when we first kicked off she would be in everyday cloths. then it went to a t-shirt. then eventually a sports braw. now its just a robe but she slipped and i noticed that there is nothing but a robe. i dont understand. is she trying to get me to see what im missing or have i brought her back to the relaxation of when we were married.
ive also been under the weather and she sounded concerned and we talked about her days at her school and i really cared about what she had to say. and i guess she picked up on it and she was willing to jabber for at least 30 min. then i told i had to take the dog for a walk. its getting confusing for me.
i mean what if she is seeing someone and just putting on a front?
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A
male
reader, mpforlife +, writes (20 May 2009):
mpforlife is verified as being by the original poster of the questionthese are all really great. shes been nicer to me and yet we can still joke about each other. shes starting to bring up the good from the past in our talks. but like every one said im gonna take it slow.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (19 May 2009): YOU MAY HAVE CHANGED BUT HAS SHE. she also messed up , she may have even been having sex with this other person while still married to you. i know you have expectations, but she did a lot of nasty things to you. do you want to be with someone like that.
it takes 2 to mess up a marriage (normally) so you have accounted for your wrongdoing, what about her. and will she cheat again if you both reconcile?
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A
female
reader, mrs.smith81608 +, writes (19 May 2009):
Give her time. Let her get to know the new you instead of the you she knew when you divorced. Keep being the same person you've been since the seminar and let her see for herself that you don't intend on changing. Show her SLOWLY that you want things to go back to the three of you being a solid family, and keeping her involved in your son's life is a BIG step forward in that direction!
It takes a big man (not size wise) to step up and realize that he was a p3n!$ towards the people in his life and you've owned it. Way to go! Keep up the good work and it will all come together-IN TIME! ;)
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