A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Hey everyone,I'v been dating a guy for 3 years now and I love to death,he means the world to me but he is a well known businessman of the city and I'm happy for him,he is constantly busy and whenever he can't make it he would send me these really expensive stuff for eg yesterday he cldnt come and he send me a necklace..I find that very demeaning like I don't want him to think they by making up with expensive gifts is ok..so I told him I don't want your gifts,if u can't make it its fine I understand,cuz I'm a doctor and I can understand the work that goes into it..but tht dint stop him he'll ife giving me these expensive stuff,does he think that's why I'm with him?I don't know a lot of questions pop in my head..so today in the morning I told him I'd rather have you spend that money on charity,cuz there are so many patients who can't afford their surgery cuz of monitory purpose and this could really help..so he said 'oh is that why you want me'..what does that mean? does he think I'm using him or something..and he has these really fancy cars so my girlfriends think he's a show off which he's not he just is into all this,so recently my girlfriend told him 'you don't need to over do this we are already impressed'..!!maybe I'm seeing too much into it..I don't know do my friends or my boyfriend think I'm with this guy for something?becuz I'm not I love him with all my heart!so do you think I'm seeing too much here,don't why I have been paranoid lately?
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male
reader, olderthandirt  +, writes (26 September 2012):
 I agree with the others.trying to figure out what everything means will drive you crazy though so read life not actions. The "unwritten' rule of thumb; If she is drop dead beautiful and he's kinda under-whelming then people say; 'he either has a ton of money or is well endowed"
A
female
reader, lmao1989  +, writes (26 September 2012):
 Cerebus has hit the nail on the head. He isn't doing it because he thinks that's why you're with him.
But because he cannot plan things with you or see you when you want to see him he's buying you things to keep your happy and keep you from feeling sad he couldn't make time for you.
I think he thinks that if he get's you these gifts it'll keep you more happy rather than sad from not seeing him he's kind of trying to fill the gap he's left because he can't make it to see you.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (26 September 2012): To be honest OP I think you and all the other posters may have missed what's going on here. Although Sage kind of gets it.
He's just buying you off to keep you sweet OP because he either can't or isn't bothered putting in the physical time and effort to be with you.
The pattern is there to see isn't it?
Can't make a date? Buy her necklace.
She wants to see me? Too busy, buy her a ring.
Girl or career? Career, buy her shit and she'll stay happy.
He doesn't think you're in it for the money as you've blatantly made it clear you don't want gifts, your friends have told him that too.
He's just being lazy and buying you instead of making the time and effort to be with you.
The dynamic is pretty simple. He spends so much time making money that he has hardly any for you and to him that money will solve almost everything including keeping you sweet.
He's just the kind of guy that thinks everything has a price, everything can be solved with money, so all he has to do is spend his life ensuring he makes lots of it and using it buy off all his issues.
You're his young, pretty trophy girl.
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A
male
reader, Sageoldguy1465  +, writes (26 September 2012):
 I think that you and he are dancing around the same subject/topic, but viewing it quite differently. Here's my take:
HE initiated the "money" thing when he chose to shower you with "things" in substitution for his being available. (You were passively complicite by not mentioning this earlier... )
While you had a certain resentment of his "buying" for you, you finally got up the courage to mention it in what would usually be a gracefully-accepted manner.... HOWEVER, he interpreted your words about as badly and negatively as a guy could!!!! .... and that gave you reason to believe that there IS a monetary component to your's and his relationship.... ON HIS PART!!!!!
I don't think that you're "making too much of this" OR that you are wrong to "call" him on the use to which he puts his wealth... You and he can - and must - sit down and have the adult discussion about what place money and "things" will have in your relationship IF you (and he) think it can successfully go on any longer....
Good luck...
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A
female
reader, Read-the-signs +, writes (26 September 2012):
To me it sounds like you have different values. He is evidently used to women who ARE after his wealth/gifts etc. You are not his usual type, that's what I'm thinking.
Is he really YOUR type?
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (26 September 2012): Are you dating someone much older than you? Maybe he would think that you're a golddigger considering what you've described the nature of your relationship.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie + ♥, writes (26 September 2012):
 IF you are uncomfortable with his gifts let him know that you appreciate the thought, but that he really doesn't NEED to buy you stuff. Honestly though, I don't think it's right to tell him HOW he should spend his money - as in you have patients who can't afford treatment so he should give to charities.
He's wealthy, he likes to spend his money on "stuff" be it cars or shiny baubles for you. As I see it, it's his money. I don't think he has those cars "just" to impress your friends.
And IF you are worries that he thinks you re only in it for the money, TALK to him next time you are FACE to face.
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