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age
41-50,
anonymous
writes: I'm gonna' be straight up and say I'm in love with my best friend. I can't stop thinking about her it's driving me nuts. We've been best of friends for about 2 years. When we met we hit it off straight away. After about a year I told her I fancied her. But she told me she wasn't ready for that. She was still trying to get over her ex. I accepted that. I didn't like it, but I accepted it. I did put some distance between us though. But she'd still invite me out or to do something and I'd make an excuse. Anyway as this last year has progressed we started going out again. We do everything together. She phones or texts me asking to go for lunch. Or dinner. Or to go out for a drink. Or to go shopping to help her pick an outfit. She's introduced me to her friends, and her family. And they can't understand why we're not together. Because we make such a good couple and sometimes she gets a hard time for this but I try to make a joke of it to make her feel better and take the heat off of her.But the past few time we've been out I've caught her looking at me in that way you fancy someone. When we're out dancing she always gets me up to dance with her. She never lets me leave her sight when we're out. She never sits opposite me. Always next to me as close as she can. She's gotten really touchy-feely as well. She's even looked at me like she wants me to kiss her the past few times. But is it all in my head? We sleep in the same bed when I stay at hers or she stays at mines.She is absolutely amazing. She makes me feel like I'm 16 again. She's so smart and funny and gorgeous. But does she fancy me the way I'm into her? I constantly have in the back of my mind that she just wants us to be friends. I know this is from a year ago, but it's still in my head. She's always telling me that she couldn't live without me in her life, but that I'm her best friend. I don't want to tell her my feelings again in case I lose her forever. But it's not that I fancy her now, I'm in love with her! I know she's been hurt real bad in the past. And I would never ever do that to her. Is she just testing me to make sure I'll always be there or are we always gonna' just be friends?What do I do?
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reader, anonymous, writes (30 November 2010): Yeah you have to bite the bullet and talk to her. Try and make it as casual as possible.
Nothing you've said is a sign of interest in more than needing her best friend. You see she feels comfortable enough with you as her best friend to able to get her affection from you. It sounds to me like she has at least considered it, that the though has crossed her mind. But as is your dilemma you just don't know if she would take it to then next level.
All I can say though is you've reached the stage where you have to talk to her. There are two ways it will go either she'll say she has feelings too or she'll say she doesn't want to ruin the friendship or other such blow off.
Let me make this clear to you, neither result is bad. The first is ideal because you love her but the second is a good thing too, regardless of your feelings you need closure. It might not be what you want to hear but if it is the case then you need to hear it. It might change your friendship and you might not be as physically close anymore but trust me it's far better than this big long painful crush you're going through now.
This is the most important part though, I have seen many crushes and had a few myself. They always, always, ALWAYS end up with the person finding out always and always with the friendship never being the same mostly it's ruined but that's better than having the crush itself which is utter torture. Because they have to, now a lot of people fight it as long as they can until they can't take it anymore and they explode and friendships get ruined irreparably.
The best way to do it is to talk, either your friendship will blossom into romance or it will become awkward and distant. You have to talk to her and reach one of these conclusions because you're just going to go through a long torturous slow crush if you don't only to be devastated when she suddenly calls you up all excited that she has a met a guy and then as her best friend wants to confide in you about him and what he says/does etc all the painful little details you wish you could have with her.
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reader, anonymous, writes (30 November 2010): You are both single. I would ask her again what she thinks about the both of you being together, and if she says she is Not interested, then I would politely ask her to not feel on you and what not and do tell her because it affects you being that she Knows you have a care for her.
In other words, your head does NOT need to be played with. You are obsessing over her cause she's the greatest thing to you since sliced bread...but if she is not into you, then you need to have her adjust her behavior, because it is as you say, driving you nuts, cuz its her....how emotionally unfair to you to be played with in that way. Oh, we are just friends..I was just teasing or playing..I say B.S. she either needs to admit she kina likes you, or you need to tell her to stop messing with your head. The Pain you will feel will be much greater then the high your on now if you don't set things straight for yourself now.!
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