A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Hi all, I'm hoping you can help me work out whether you think I have social anxiety or not. I'm going to make an appointment with my GP on Monday, but I've just heard of this disorder and it would be good to hear opinions from people who know more about it if possible?The main thing with me is I panic when I have to speak to someone socially. This can even be people I know. For example, if I see someone I recognise in the street I will freak out a bit and do everything I can to avoid them and not let them see me because I can't handle the thought of having a conversation.Afterwards I'm sad because I'd actually really like to speak to them. I mean I'd love to be sociable and have a lot more friends, but at the time all I can think of is how I probably won't know what to say or if I say something the other person will think I'm a weird idiot for being so socially inept. I also worry that they don't want to speak to me in the first place and I will be bugging them if I do talk to them. Often people come over to me (I pretend that I've not seen them which is horrible), so afterwards I can rationally say that people probably do want to speak to me. But at the time I just can't think straight enough through the panic to tell myself that. My natural instinct is to run away.Also, on days where I do end up speaking to someone I feel so embarrassed afterwards. I go over what I said and cringe, thinking that I've said something stupid and the other person thinks I'm weird (this is a common fear because I was called that a lot through primary and high school because of my lack of social skills).I have been like this for as long as I can remember, and it has always upset me that I can't seem to grasp the social skills that everyone else finds so easy.I have tried to overcome my shyness using online aids and even hypnosis, and while I am much better than I was (I'm not convinced the above treatments had much to do with that though), I am still struggling with this on a daily basis. I also tried to highlight it to my parents as a child and they said I'd grow out of my shyness when I got older but it's never really happened.It doesn't help that the few friends I did have have all got married or moved away over the years and trying to make new friends is excruciating for me. I find it so stressful and I end up in tears because I feel like such a failure.The most recent example of this led me to google my issues (which I've not done in years), and I found a website about social anxiety. I don't think all of the symptoms fit with me but a lot do, and I suppose it's nice to think that maybe all of my struggles have an actual reason rather than me just being rubbish in social situations.Does anyone out there have social anxiety, and if so does this sound like what you have experienced? Im excited right now because I saw there is therapy which works quite well for this, but I'm also not wanting to get my hopes up incase I'm trying to self-diagnose in order to make myself feel better.
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female
reader, R1 +, writes (9 September 2013):
 Hi, I work with people who have anxiety everyday so I'm not ill informed! If you aren't a professional in this area maybe you shouldn't comment. I know that you do not have to be diagnosed with anxiety to access the counselling or courses that they offer, definitely not in the doctors surgeries I work in anyway and having a diagnosis does not necessarily help you as it can be more complex than that. The medication they will offer you is not only antidepressants but I wouldn't be too keen on that option as I said.
Honestly the best results I have seen in clients is through self esteem building activities... It may be controversial but if it works does it matter!
Good luck, things will get better in time :)
A
reader, anonymous, writes (8 September 2013): Hi OP.Yes you should see your GP. I think the first person who replied is ill informed. As you know yourself, you can't just push yourself to do things. That's like telling a depressed person to pull their socks up. I do have SA and was diagnosed by a psychologist (after filling in a questionnaire that made me cry) but I'm sure your GP will be able to make a judgement based on what you've told us. Please ask to be referred for CBT or equivalent. Please do not accept medication as your first option, because you'll be offered antidepressants and they come with horrible side effects and can be a nightmare to get off (this comes from bitter experience). Also medication just numbs you and doesn't address the core issue. You sound like you are well informed. I think your self diagnosis is correct, and I'm glad you feel excited for your future - therapy certainly does help!If your trip to the GP doesn't go as planned, arrange another appointment with different doctor in the practise. For example, younger GPs are far more likely to be understanding of your situation than older ones (I'm generalising of course). Good luck - let us know how it goes! Meanwhile if you can find a helpful online forum, let me know! I still struggle rather a lot.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (8 September 2013): To the first poster, it absolutely makes a difference. OP it sounds to me that you do have social anxiety or social phobia, shyness is usually much less severe (I know this from personal experience as my brother has social anxiety and it can be very debilitating). If you do have it, a diagnosis will not only get you the treatment you need (doesn't have to be in the form of medication), but it will also make you feel better. Social anxiety is a serious disorder and is not something you can just will yourself out of. Please see your GP and they can hopefully get you on the road to recovery. Keep us informed.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (8 September 2013): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionHi well I'm asking because I didnt want to waste the GPs time if it didn't sound like I have it that's all. I really don't want pills, but I understand there are various cognitive therapies that can help SA and I just wanted to work out if I would qualify for any of them. You say I have to push myself but I have been my whole life and it isn't getting any easier (I'm 28). I'm a member of several clubs and societies but people often avoid me, I think because I'm so awkward. I can't think straight when in social situations because I'm so stressed and obviously trying to get over it on my own isn't working :( I'm so tired of feeling like a complete failure.
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A
female
reader, R1 +, writes (8 September 2013):
Will it really make any difference to you whether you have social anxiety or are shy? GP's can prescribe pills to help with anxiety but ultimately that is no cure it just treats the symptoms. You need to push yourself to work on this, join a club, try a new activity, put your self in new situations. Some counselling could help or confidence building courses. Your GP could put you in touch with these kinds of things...
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