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Does herpes rule out a successful relationship?

Tagged as: Dating, Health<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (2 December 2014) 5 Answers - (Newest, 5 December 2014)
A male Australia age 30-35, *lue_warrior writes:

I've just been diagnosed with herpes. I'm aware that the presence of this virus in my body is going to complicate my dating life greatly, but is it still possible for me to have a successful relationship with someone? Also, what's the best way of broaching the subject without divulging too much about my sexual past? As mentioned in the course of the previous queries that I've posted on this site, I used to sleep frequently with prostitutes, so you can probably understand why I'm rather reluctant to bring up the subject with a new partner. Any advice that you have to offer regarding this matter would be greatly appreciated. Thanks in advance.

View related questions: herpes, prostitute, sexual past

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A male reader, blue_warrior Australia +, writes (5 December 2014):

blue_warrior is verified as being by the original poster of the question

Thanks for responding, everyone. Some of the answers that this question has elicited have been extremely informative and helpful. With regard to the issue of exploitation, prostitution is legal in Australia which means that I'm under the impression that sex workers employed by licensed brothels, are doing this job of their own free will as opposed to being coerced into doing so. I'm strictly against any kind of sexual bondage.

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A female reader, chigirl Norway + , writes (3 December 2014):

chigirl agony auntHerpes is not the end of your dating life, so do not despair. What you could do is date like normal, but during the first or second/third date or so, you tell them about it. Ofcourse you need to tell them before anything sexual takes place though. They will most likely ask queations,

and you will inform them of how things will work. Talk to your doctor about how to have safe sex with new partners.

I had a boyfriend once with heppatitis b. He told me about ghis on the very same day that I met him (we met at a party, made out, and I brought him back to my place). We did not have sex that night, but talked and kissed and he told me about it in a very relaxed manner. We would have to use condoms at all times, even for blowjobs. It wasnt really that much of a biggie. We were together for a ling time, and I.know he is with someone else now too. So this certainly has not stopped him from having a normal dating life. You just cant have unprotected sex, is all.

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A female reader, bestprank United States +, writes (3 December 2014):

The immediate question you need to answer, is there's a chance you gave it to any partner of yours? because you need to let them know if there's a chance.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (3 December 2014):

Not at all!!! I've had this for twenty plus years and have never met a person or relationship worth having that couldn't work around it . The stigma around this disease is by far the worst part and honestly after the initial outbreak , for most people , a recurrence ( if one even gets them ) feels no worse than a mosquito bite which clears quickly .

The ignorance and stupidity around this skin condition ( which is exactly what it is ) is incredible . People become paranoid , yet most have the same virus in the form if cold sore virus in their body ( I if they ever had a cold sore even once they always have herpes virus in their body) yet because of where it exists they don't think a thing if it

Herpes will help you sort the people who are serious about you as a person and want a commitment from the fly by nighters

The risks I believe of transmission with condom and abstaining during flair ups (and you can check this ) from woman to man is around 2 -4 percent per year .

It is slightly higher for men but you can add in anti virals to help reduce it . Always tell your potential sex partners and do not be ashamed . The way in which you got it may be questionable and raise questions ( not about your herpes but rather , about your respect for women and beliefs on equality and exploitation) but the fact your herpes itself is not a reason for shame . Many people have contracted it from their one and only partner . We are animals and it's a disease like many others

Face it head on, get educated and help reduce the stigma

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A female reader, Delirium  United States +, writes (2 December 2014):

Delirium  agony auntI would like to tell you that your herpes will not impact your ability to have a healthy relationship in the future. It will take effort on your part, and there will be some embarrassing moments, but you will be okay. My father has herpes, he got it from a one night stand before he met my mother (that's what he says, who knows it may have been from a prostitute, knowing my dad probably not but still). All the years my parents have been married my mother has never gotten the virus (she had to be tested for it after getting pregnant to be sure that there wouldn't be any risk to me and has off and on gotten retested as part of unrelated medical procedures). My father would obtain from sex during the worst of his flare ups, condoms would be used, and there are medications that can help suppress the virus. Be sure to talk to your doctor about it, browsing the anonymous web can help you learn more about living with herpes and can listen to other people's stories. Most importantly, be honest with your future sexual partners. Some will not be okay with it and others may still want to have a fruitful relationship. It's not something you can hide forever and if it prevents a potential relationship from forming it's better to get that out of the way early and move on.

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