A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I have lost weight and still in the process of losing. I'm feeling sexier and more confident and finally fitting back into my skinny jeans. I was telling me boyfriend the other night how much I have lost. He told me he'd rather that I gain some weight. He said he doesn't want a "toothpick" and wants his woman to have some meat on her (referring to me). He's lost weight without trying and is looking HOT (he was a pretty big fella when we first met which didnt bother me) I wonder if he says this because the last girl he dated was bigger than me (but she was still gorgeous) and he likes bigger girls? We recently had an issue with porn and I'm the first girl he's dated that has objected to it. It did affect me, as all the girls he watched were thinner than me (naturally). I'm not that big-I'm 19 and I wear size 11 and 13 in juniors jeans (i have a "ghetto black girl booty on a white girl" lol I must say I do feel sexier and healthier, but my boyfriend believes the issue with the porn pushed me to lose (which in some cases it is one reason)
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female
reader, fishdish +, writes (18 July 2008):
 It sounds like he may have felt guilty about the porn situation and the discussion about the skinny girls so when he saw you trying to lose weight he didn't like that he had influenced you to change your body for him, but just explain to him it was for yourself too, and continue to embrace your body as you like it--big small short or tall!
A
female
reader, PsyCookie +, writes (17 July 2008):
 I think you should tell him how you feel in your new body. You could also throw the health card. I understand where he comes from with his comment against girls who are thin.
One thing that came up in my mind when you mentioned your porn issue is that he's also affected by it. He may have infered that the reason why you lost weight is because you're trying to compare yourself with the girls that appear in porn. Of course, he's fearful of this because he fears you would lose your identity by losing your weight. Assured him that the reason you're losing weight is because you want to (throw the health reason if he keeps on insisting). Assured him that you won't change and that you'll still be yourself.
Don't gain weight just because he's uncomfortable with you being thiner than before. Assure him you'll just reach your ideal weight and nothing further from that.
You have to give him time to embrace your new body. Some people take longer to adjust to new things and he may be one of those people. Also, what you could do is try to show him you're sexier in your new body. Flirt with him like crazy. Show him your extra curves. Your ghetto booty! He'll probably will end up loving and embracing the new body you have.
Another thing that might be flying in his head is that with your new body, you could just run away with anyone. This is again with the issue of the new identity he thinks you might gain with it and he might be fearful of losing you. Although to many beauty is in personality, some people base beauty on how Hollywood dictates it and if you get that Hollywood body, he thinks you will run away from him. Just tell him you will be always with him and that you're doing this for you and him and nobody else. Assure him you love him and that you will be always his.
Talk to him. Make him feel secure. Take some patience for him to adjust to your new body.
Good luck and enjoy your new body!
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