A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I've been friends with this guy for 9 months. We're really close and even dated for a month or so. I guess you can consider us "friends with benefits". He told me that he loved me and he still says "he has love for me" but he doesn't want a relationship right now. He texts me everyday and gets kind of jealous when I tell him I'm hanging out with other guys. The reason i'm hanging out with other guys is to try and get over him because i still love him. He says he doesn't want me to get hurt and that the right guy will come along eventually. He knows that I still love him. We still have sex. But he says it's on a frindship level. I just don't understand if he doesn't want a relationship and he wants me to "find the right guy and be happy", why he's so posessive over me and says he cares??
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female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (4 May 2011):
 because although he does not want you he does not want anyone else to have you either because then you will stop sleeping with him.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (4 May 2011): I feel he has some unresolved issues from previous experiences. So many different things possible I think. Respectfully said, I think he needs time to figure what it is he's looking for and also time to reflect how he has learned from his past so he can grow and mature. Id stop having sex with him becaus eobviously he's attaching emotion to it and that could be partially causing him to be possessive. Good luck.
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A
female
reader, belize  +, writes (4 May 2011):
 This guy sounds like he had problems with relationship in the past. Someone has let him down, and now he's afraid of commitment.
He may love you as he says, but doubt if you will stick around to find out. Suggest that you talk through his problems with a consulter and put the relationship on hold whilst he sort himself out.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (4 May 2011): Because he's keeping you hanging on in hope that one day he will want a relationship and you are obviously prepared to do this because you are still sleeping with him, so your not really "getting over him" or making a conscious effort to move on.
"He says he doesn't want me to get hurt and that the right guy will come along eventually"
Hm he is good! So how will the right guy come along when you refuse to get over him? He has it just how he wants it, sex without the commitment of a relationship, basically you're being used. Its a win/loose situation. You're not really getting that much benefit from it and im sure the hurt and frustration you feel totally outweighs the benefit you're getting, so why put up with it?
Yes he is afraid you will meet someone because then his perfect situation will change. Why make life complicated?! isnt it already complicated enough?! stop having sex with him otherwise you will always be stuck in limbo, with no clarity to your relationship. Date other guys(and don't compare them to this guy, see them as individuals) you could be letting "the right guy" slip by because you're holding out for this guy and let me tell you he is never going to change, he will always always have commitment issues, I cant stress that enough!
All he is short of doing is putting you nice and neatly away in a cupboard so nobody else can have you and then just take you out when he wants to play. Don't allow yourself to be treated like this. Stop having sex with him and tell him the situation isnt working this isnt what you want and end it.
You're entitled to want a relationship! Its perfectly normal, but you are never going to have one with this guy.
Eventually you will be mentaly drained, depressed and hurt. When you could be perfectly happy with the right guy, but he will never be the right guy, so forget him and meet sombody worthy of your love and affection.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (4 May 2011): He's doing it because he likes having sex with you. Tell him no more and keep him out of your life. Move on as you are trying to do. He's full of *$#) for saying that and don't let anyone tell you otherwise. Steer clear of player peter and find yourself a real friend, lover, and partner.
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