A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:So Ive been in a LDR for almost 3 years now.He dumped me last night...he's been experiencing some rather harsh depression lately and lost all feeling and emotion, not a care in the world. Hes seeing a doctor on monday but last night he came to the conclusion that he needs to work on himself, and is currently failing school and needs to get back on track.Im all for him finding himself but its not my fault he's behind in school and does he really need to ditch me for that?He said I can be his friend, Im not his friend...I just dont know how to be. I love this guy, he is absolutely perfect in every way, but says he wants to be alone. no relationships, no girls.How do I deal with this? you dont even want to know whats going on in my head and all i do is cry. What if he fixes this within a week or two and then moves on, and starts being with random girls and stuff...the thought of him with another girl is killing me...do you think he will come back to me?
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female
reader, Miamine +, writes (14 April 2011):
 Get rid of the word "fault".... if your thinking like that then no you can't stay with him. It's not his fault he is sick, he is not doing this to punish you. You are doing nothing wrong even though sometimes he makes you feel worthless.
All of this is because of the illness. Depression wrecks self-esteem, yours, his, everybody's. That's just how the illness works.
If you love him and want to stay, then realize, that sometimes he will push you away. That's what he's doing now. It's his way of protecting you. He is sick and he doesn't want his sickness to hurt you, so he thinks you'll be happier if he lets you go. Again the illness talking. It is not good to make any long term plans during the depressive stage. The brain is thinking funny and always thinks negatively.
If you want to help him, then you need to know all about depression and understand what's going on. It's not easy. His low moods and negative attitudes will get to you (they are already getting to you) Depression is catching.
Make sure that you spend time away from him, doing nice things for yourself and being with happy, cheerful people. This will keep you healthy and make sure your not trapped in his world of negativity. Other than that, just be a friend, that's what a depressed person needs more than anything else.
Hopefully the doctor will be able to help. The treatment is either tablets or counselling or both. Get him out of the house as much as you can, parks, walks, swimming, whatever, just some type of low physical activity where he is in the daylight. Depression wrecks lives and relationships, but with the right treatment Depression is curable. Remember, you love the man, and he is ill, his illness may make him do and say painful things. He won't be ill for ever, one day his depression will go away.
http://www.wikihow.com/Help-Someone-with-Depression
http://www.helpguide.org/mental/depression_tips.htm (How you can help him to help himself)
http://www.drjoecarver.com/clients/49355/File/DEPRESSION%20-%20Causes,%20Symptoms,%20and%20Treatment.html (Best description of depression I've ever seen)
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