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female
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anonymous
writes: Its been 2 months since my ex-bf broke up with me because of stress in the relationshp, space etc. We're still talking after that since he wants us to keep in touch and promised me that he'll come back to me when he finishes college (in 3 yrs).Thing is he's been asking me to have exclusive sex with him everytime we see each other (every tues,thurs) we are in the same uni. we both aren't seeing anyone else and I want to have sex too he's hot but i have to say NO because i told him i'll have sex with him only if we get back together seriously like before: talking everyday, seeing each other on free times, taking me home and on dates, etc. and he has to wait a year after that when i feel like i can give it to him again (after sex i feel needy and i dont want to feel used) but he always has 2 offers:1. exclusive sex and not dating anyone else but we have no relationship meaning no responsibility 2. we get back together but have sex immediatelymy problem with option 2 is that i cant have sex immediately he'll have to wait a long time cos i dont trust him fully now since he lied many times before, he doesnt want to wait that long and he says he'll change what should i do?
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reader, anonymous, writes (18 October 2006): Funny how he gives you these options. They sound more like ultimatums to me. Tell him to take his options and stuff it. The minute he broke off with you,was the minute you needed the courage to say good bye to him and moved ahead to healing/ recovery so you could find happiness with someone else. He wants you hanging 'like a puppet on a string' dear and you aren't allowing it. Good for you. You clearly know what he's up to, dear and it's obvious that having sex without committment goes against what you want and your values. He tells you, 'maybe' in 3 years, he'll commit to you gain.....but in the meantime 'let me use your body twice a week'. This is all about him and what he wants. This is not the actions of a man who loves you and wants to share his life with you, in a mature, equally balanced, healthy relationship. It's over...aceept that and tell him. Move on to finding someone who make you a number one priority, in his life. Good luck.
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