A
male
age
36-40,
*imberfake
writes:Hey guys and gals. I need some advice. I am living the good life with my gf who is 24 and im 29 for about 6 years now. Everything is just peachy. For a while now I have been having fantasies of having a threesome with either a dude or chick (obviously). I don't know why I guess I watch a lot of porn but I kind of think it would be hot and I don't know! I mentioned this to her a couple of years ago and she just sort of just laughed and its probably been 3-4 years since I brought it all up. See the sex is good but I just wanted to spice things up a bit? Well let me give you an example of what happened last night. We had sex and we both were finishing ourselves off at the end and both layed down on th bed and lately I have been putting my finger in her mouth to act like ya know while she does her thing downstairs including the dirty talk of course. (Im sorry if im being too graphic here) And she likes that a lot so in a way I kind of think she might be into it. How do I bring up the subject again without her being like wtf. HELP!
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female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (17 July 2013):
 you are not being weird you are being human.
however, trust me on this.... keeping your threesome a FANTASY is the way to go.
Bringing others into your bed is not a way to spice up a relationship or fix problems... it only makes them worse and eventually you will break up.
FANTASY is fine.
reality bites.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (17 July 2013): Timberfake,
You're allowed to have fantasies. It's not weird at all.
(as long as no one is harmed in these fantasies)
But there is a difference between real life and fantasy.
You've tested the waters about your gf and 3sums. She's shown she's not interested period. She didn't say 'no babe, if it was the 2 girls and a guy, it wasn't me; I only watched the 2 guys banging a girl.' She didn't say that did she?
If I were you I would drop this because you're only going to spoil things. Living out your fantasy is not essential to your well being. Leave it as a fantasy and don't keep badgering your gf about it. At best she'll be annoyed when she finds out you want her to do it when she's never showed interest.
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A
male
reader, timberfake +, writes (17 July 2013):
timberfake is verified as being by the original poster of the questionyou guys are going to think im weird (im really not) i mentioned to her yesterday i said wow i found some weird history on the computer about threesomes .. she was like yeah it def wasnt me that is weird just delete it.. (there really wasnt anything but its the only way i can bring it up without getting a negative reaction out of her) and i was seemingly joking saying its ok hun if it was you you could just tell me shes like no it wasnt me bla bla.. so i dont think shes really down for the threesome thing BUT.. i honestly think she doesnt wanna do it with another chick i think that freaks her out but i would i or wouldnt i mind another dude banging her? thats the question and fantasy i sort of have. am i just being weird here?
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (16 July 2013): I must be missing something.
When you had the discussion 3- 4 YEARS ago about a threesome that YOU brought up, she LAUGHED IT OFF...
You've recently had your finger in her mouth during sex and from that you are wondering whether she wants a threesome?
Lips are an erogenous zone with many nerve endings- that's why kissing feels so good. Stimulating her with your body there will probably cause her enjoyment. How you went from that to threesome is beyond me.
Fantasy/ dirty talk is very different from the reality of involving another red blooded human being with emotions in your intimate sex life. You often get jealousy, insecurities, unwanted feelings developing for the sex buddy. And the reality seldom lives up to the fantasy. Do some research.
How can you bring it up without her going wtf? Errm you can't. In her shoes, I'd feel like you were insinuating that I wasn't enough and you wanted another woman to join us if it's FFM. Or I'd think you see me as a piece of meat to share with another man if you wanted MMF. Or I'd be offended that you didn't see sex as our treasured intimate moments that are too sacred to involve someone else. Or I'd think you'd met someone you were already attracted to that you wanted an excuse to sleep with. Or I'd think you think I am ok to let some stranger get intimate with me. I'm just imagining how I'd react as your gf bearing in mind that she's never brought this topic up herself or talked about it in any detail or expressed any interest in spicing up your sex life with something unconventional.
My two cents? You have a lot more to lose than you gain by bringing it up. That discussion won't end with a no. She will start to question whether she even knows you at all. Your choice at the end of the day mate.
Good luck
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A
female
reader, janniepeg  +, writes (16 July 2013):
 Did the dirty talk involve a third person? If not, then you are doing some magical thinking here. Even when people say out loud "I want to do so and so" does not necessarily mean in real life they want to do it.
She needs to be at least bi to enjoy a threesome with a girl. What kind of fantasy would be if she does it just to please you? How is it a fantasy when you came and there is no more hardness left for the other one? How about performance anxiety to the real deal? A threesome is supposed to be an equal sided triangle, not two people acting to please the boss. If she can't see herself doing what Katy Perry is doing in "I kissed a girl" then you will be a fool bringing it up again.
Once you open a relationship up, there is no going back and you have to be ready to lose the goodness of the relationship.
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