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male
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*ostinlove
writes: Hi,my ex and I broke up in January after a 4 year relationship, he decided that we needed time apart to work out our problems. We lived together until the end of June and during this time (at the beginning of June) he met someone else, he broke up with this guy 2 weeks ago after asking my advice about the problems they were having, after 6 weeks he couldnt stand to be around this guy, I tried to get my ex to see his side but it didnt work and he still broke up with him. Since then I have stayed over every night (on his invitation every time) we slept in the same bed (nothing happened tho) except for the last 2 nights when he decided it was best for me to sleep on the air bed as he felt that sleeping together may screw me up. He lives in student accomodation and Im starting uni in september so now he wants me to move into the halls he's in, in an empty studio 2 doors down from his! He says he only wants us to be friends but I really am confused about all this, up until about 4 days ago he put kisses on the end of all his texts now hes stopped and keeps calling me m8, the other evening he was meant to be going over to a friends house but cancelled at the last minute and asked me if I wanted to come over instead. Also he doesnt like to talk about us because he says it hurts him but yet if I offer him time on his own he doesnt seem to want it, I say Ill go home tonight and he almost appeals as to why. He has also stopped having a problem being naked in front of me too and will quite happily continue a conversation while hes in the shower. Another thing is he keeps telling me about all the things that his ex did which annoyed him and also started telling me why hes talking to other ppl as if I would have a problem. Also he tells me all his plans without me actually asking him and when he goes out hew wants me to go with him, to the point that he will actually pay! Im thinking maybe he needs space to think about what he wants but then if thats the case why does he want me there all the time I have no problem with that because I really miss him when we're not together but I just dont understand whats going on??
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (5 August 2006): breaking up with someone after such a long time of being together makes it practically impossible to be normal friends right away. and i think that's why he's acting the way he is. because for four years, the only type of relationship he know from you was you guys being together, and all that entailed. and now, all of a sudden, you guys are tying to be just normal friends, and that's impossible. i think you both need time away, and not just a week or two. i mean, real time away, and then try and be friends again. because when you still like him and he still likes you, it makes for an impossible friendship. good luck.
A
female
reader, immuno +, writes (5 August 2006):
 How are YOU feeling about all of this? I realize you say you are confused but how is your heart? This whole thing has to be painful for you. You have been helping him every step of the way so I am assuming you still care for him. Maybe he realizes by asking for your help so much he might be taking advantage of your feelings. I think you may be right about the space needed by him, but what about you? It is very hard to tell someone you care about "no" but I think you should start trying. It really sounds like he still values your friendship and doesn’t really know where to draw the line. I hope you guys work something out that will be good for BOTH of you. I hope this helps.
Take care of YOU and good luck :).
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A
female
reader, Juliette  +, writes (5 August 2006):
 I think he is using you and he is also more than a bit confused himself. if you continue to allow him to do this to you he will have no excuse to make a decision and maybe will keep you hanging on because it suits him. he is testing you with his actions as I think he wants you to want him and he wants to feel your display of needing him, why else would he push himself beyond his previous limit of letting you see him naked. He sounds frustrated because he both recognises he wants you, but to make the first move he may feel is inappropriate. I think he is trying to make you jealous, the trouble is, if you react you may satify his need to be desired by you, but he may also hurt you further by rejecting your advance or then turning the blame on you for making a move. They say distance makes the heart grown fonder and true feelings are not swayed by a little time apart. I think it would be best for you to take a breath and keep your distance for a while and just tell him you still care and he knows where you are when he has sorted himself out.
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