A
female
age
,
anonymous
writes:Hello, It is now just over a year since I found out about my husband's emotional affair with another woman (texting/phonecalls/declarations of love and promises of future physical relationship when the time was right). He has done EVERYTHING in his power to make amends although it has been a VERY rocky road with many arguments (instigated by me, he just wants to 'forget it').I am finding it a bit easier to trust him again but am wondering if this will lead me to being made a fool of again if he thinks he is now trusted again.We have been married 33 years so this is not some young lovers betrayal but my whole life invested in this relationship.Do you think I should give him the benefit of his efforts to cause me no reason for further mistrust or be suspicious now over everything? Thank you.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (9 June 2010): Hi Auntie E,
Thanks very much for your reply.
You are very right, I was neglecting him emotionally and physically when all this started. When I found out from undeleted texts he was mortified and full of remorse. He said I was the only one he ever loved and it was just a fantasy game that they both knew would never turn into anything serious.
We got back on track and were more in love than ever and having hot sex. I then discovered more undeleted texts a few weeks later of a sexual nature again and him telling her how much he cared and she said she'd fallen for him.
This was the knife through the heart. He was leading me on to think I was his whole world again but still needing her.
His reason was that he thought it strange that I suddenly became a loving sexy wife again all of a sudden when another woman appeared and that he didn't want to just drop her because I decided I wanted him for myself again. I suppose he didn't want to hurt her if he cared about her.
He said he had intended to phase it out gradually anyway as it was getting stupid but who knows if he ever intended to until he was caught again!!
A
female
reader, Auntie E  +, writes (9 June 2010):
 Hello - to answer your question YES give him the benefit of his efforts. But what I really think you should pay close attention to is why he did this in the first place. How and why did he fall prey? That is the real question. Do you give him the attention, affection and sex that he wants - he is obviously a man of honor as he did not go through with his declarations but I can tell you this it was a hell of a thrill for him to have that "emotional affair" because a woman was paying attention to him. He got to talk to her and fantasize about sex! Think about it. I am in no way blaming you but sometimes we neglect our men or take them for granted and there are other women out there who just love to get a hold of a guy like this. A guy who will basically hang on every word she is saying.
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A
male
reader, The Realist  +, writes (8 June 2010):
 If you have no intention of leaving him and it seems that you have worked through this I would say he has changed and deserves a second chance. If he is putting so much effort into the relationship then he obviously wants to be with you. We are all only human and all make mistakes.
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