A
female
age
30-35,
*allingstar03
writes:Me and my husband have been married for a year now! I got pregnant when we had been together for like 8 months and 3 months later we got married. The thing is, when we had just started dating, about a month in the relationship I cheated (had sex) on him with my ex boyfriend, who I still care about. When he (my now husband) found out, he couldn't really get over it, even though he didn't really care about me at the time when I cheated. It was a stupid child's mistake, I admit!! Soo when I was like 5 months pregnant I found out that he had cheated on me with a girl, he had met up with her a couple of times and made out (no sex), I was devastated:( He promised he would never do it again, I believed him, because he told me how much he loved me and cared about me. So when I was like 7 1/2 months pregnant he had to move to another country for work! Yesterday I found out that he had cheated on me there with some girl, also met up with her multiple times and made out (very close to sex). I forgive him, because, the last six months (since the baby was born) he has tried to do what he can to make me happy. But will I ever get over it? Will I ever trust him again? I am sooo hurt, I don't know what to do with myself ;( I try to not think about it, but it's hard. I tell him, that he doesn't understand the pain, but he tells me that he had gone through the same when I cheated on him (1 month into the relationship). But I don't think that it's the same, I mean, I was pregnant, we were married when he did that. It's going to be really hard, cause girls look at him everywhere he goes, he's a really good looking man. Do you also believe that how he cheated on me and how I cheated on him is the same? Will I every get it out of my mind? How do I cope.
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cheated on me, my ex Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (1 November 2010): Cheating is cheating.
A
female
reader, fallingstar03 +, writes (1 November 2010):
fallingstar03 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI have nooo idea,but somehow, I feel like I have gotten over ir,and it doesn't matter anymore, like I can finally trust him. Like it had to happen...If he ever does it again, ofcourse I will leave with no questions. But I feel like it wont. I know I might sound nutts right now. But I feel alot better,like something has been lifted of my chest. I simply don't care..
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (31 October 2010): Women usually find cheating with an emotional attachment more understandable and also more threatening to the spouse. Men usually feel vice versa, that meaningless flings are both more understandable and more threatening to the spouse.
Nature strikes again. This differences reflects what threatens reproduction and survival more for each gender.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (31 October 2010): Naw....not the same...Unfortunately your relationship is doomed. Cheating and lying destroy trust and without trust and love there is nothing...you will probably hang on for years but will you be happy? Cheating destroys trust and love.
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A
male
reader, CaringGuy +, writes (30 October 2010):
Cheating is the same, whatever the reason, however long, however meaningful, whoever the person is. It's cheating, and it's lousy.
Some would say that you cheating with an ex was worse, since it meant your current boyfriend wasn't good enough, and that he was just a rebound. Others would say that he was worse, given that you were pregnant.
But at the end of if, you both cheated. Neither of you have any moral ground, and both are as bad. You're a cheat. He's a cheat. That's the way it is here.
You want this to work out, stop looking to score points. You can't sit there saying "you cheating when I was pregnant, and when we were married." Because he can say "You cheated with your ex who you loved more than me".
It would become pathetic and meaningless, and that's not right given you now have a child.
Instead, both of you get to counselling an start talking and working this out. You're both at the bottom point here. Why did you cheat? Why did he cheat? Why did you both lie to each other? Do you both want this to work? These are questions you need to be asking each other, with a counsellor who can help you both realize that you are as wrong as each other. Get to work, stop looking to score points and make him out to be worse than you. He's not. You're a cheat. He's a cheat. Now work on that.
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