A
male
age
51-59,
*r Clark
writes:The conventional wisdom seems to be that sex for women is more emotionally involved than it is for men. The gist of this seems to be that women like sex better when they're in a committed, stable, loving relationship.Yet, I see a lot of posts by men on this site who have been in a relationship with a woman in which the sex started off great, but the woman became disinterested in sex after 6 months, a year, etc. (I realize there are also some posts by women who are with men who've lost interest, but there seems to be far fewer of these.)Here's the first question for the women:I wonder if sex fades in a high percentage of relationships after 6 months or a year, or if the posts describing this situation only represent a small percentage of the total relationships out there?Question for the women: do you find that your interest in sex tends to fade after the first few days or months, or does it typically get better once you're in a stable relationship for 6 or more months?Similarly, do women really like one night stands? The conventional wisdom seems to be that men have to work at having a good relationship with the women, do things for her to let her know he cares, buy her roses, tell her she's beatiful, plan a romantic weekend getaway, etc. But, one night stands don't include any of these features that are said to be necessary for good sex.Do women really like one night stands? Is "new" sex more of a turn-on? Or, is the sex better after you've been married
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (8 December 2010): I've been with my husband for twenty plus years. Our sex life hit a lull after the kids but now is better than ever. We have sex almost every day. I love sex! I am very attracted to my husband and vice versa. We like to spice things up. Sex in my twenties and one night stands were awkward and very guilt ridden. Hope that helps!
A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (8 December 2010):
 No, I don't think women really like one night stands. I think it goes as popular wisdom says : men use love to get sex, women use sex to get love. There are many women who will have casual sex out of loneliness, insecurity or unfulfilled need for intimacy- they will use sex as a sort of emotional Aspirin to make some pain go away.Of course there are also cases of simple raw lust but more often than not they end up in disappointment . Women are less easily orgasmic than men, and in general it takes a little "breaking in " before finding sexual sintony with a mate.
As for new sex vs. regular sex, I agree with Kc 100. They are both good but different. With new sex there is the turn-on of the novelty, there's more mystery, romance, excitement. With regular sex, there is more trust, intimacy,closeness... and ,after all, practice makes perfect.
As for sexual desire fading after a while, I think it's inevitable. But it's more a matter of quantity than quality. Once you've got something good and you know it's yours, it does not mean you stopped appreciating it if you don't use it every day. Like if you buy a luxury car- the first times you will drive it everywhere at any possible chance. After five or ten years, you may leave it in your garage for longer periods - but hey a Jaguar is a Jaguar and you know you are lucky to have it.
After a while to me means more than a few months, IMO 6- 12 months it's early to start losing interest. But often sex is just a metaphor, the tip of the iceberg- people translate sexually a sense of unease affecting other areas of the relationship ( trust issues, power struggles, bad communication etc. )
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A
female
reader, k_c100  +, writes (8 December 2010):
 Ok to answer your questions in order:
1. I do think that the posts on here only represent a small percentage of the population. I personally am a 23 year old female, living with my partner and we have been together for 15 months now. My desire for sex has not faded, it has fluctuated admittedly - there were periods of time when I wanted sex far more than he did, and then times when I did not want it as much. But overall, we stil have as much sex as we did at the start of the relationship, I still want sex and still enjoy sex. In regards to the posts you see on here - I bet these are mostly men who get fed up quite quickly with the lack of sex in their relationship, and actually within a couple of months their wives/partner's sex drives will be back to normal. They are just posting at the time when it is really bad, but I am pretty sure that everyone goes through phases with their libido's and chances are these women will get their sex drive back after a while.
2. New sex vs sex in a committed relationship. For me (this is just a personal thing) they are both different and good in their own ways. New sex has the advantage of 'newness' - it is exciting, you are learning about each other's bodies, the physical attraction at the start of a relationship is often quite overhwelming, and generally there is no stress of day to day mundane life to get in the way (like when you live together) so sex is naturally more exciting. However I (personally) struggle to achieve an orgasm if I am not totally comfortable and secure with a man, so I tend to have better orgasms as the relationship goes on.
3. One night stands - I have only really had one true one night stand and yes I did enjoy it. All I wanted was sex, I met a cute guy and had not had sex for ages, had a lot of fun for one night and left while he was asleep feeling empowered and sexy. When you go into something knowing that it is just sex then yes you can enjoy it. But if you meet someone, and then go back to their place, have sex with them and hope it will turn into something more - but then it never does, that is when women dont enjoy one night stands. We struggle with one night stands because generally we never go into sex thinking 'it is just sex'. When we meet a man we hope it will eventually turn into a relationship, or at least a date. And normally we are always disappointed hence why most women dont like one night stands, because they get hurt.
You mention buying roses, romantic weekends away etc as neccessary for good sex - now that is rubbish. Good sex comes from being physically attracted to each other, having a good knowledge of how to perform in the bedroom (applies for both men AND women, you need to know what you are doing!) and being confident. That is a recipe for good sex! Roses, romantic weekends away, compliments etc - they are all nice and get women more in the 'mood' for sex, but it does not mean the actual sex itself will be any good. We can have amazing sex with someone we have just met and only ever said a few words to - it is all about the connection you have with the man and how much you 'want' each other. That primal desire is what makes good sex - all the other added bits can make good sex into amazing sex, but first and foremost it is just down to primal urges and a strong attraction.
But this is just my personal opinion - I am sure you will find plenty of women who cannot have good sex unless they are in love etc. So do remember that each woman is different and you are not going to find one rule that applies to all women!
I hope this helps and good luck!
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