A
female
age
36-40,
*ushhh
writes:he says we aren't compatible. we've been dating for over a year now, and he moved away a few months ago, so currently in a long distance relationship. When we first started dating, we had a lot to talk about, mostly because we were getting to know each other, but there were obvious differeneces. He likes history, he's into art and he's really into doing things by himself, he's sort of a lonewolf. i like doing things with other people, i pretty much dont know much about history. but those don't seem like huge issues to me.people always learn. We have plenty of things in common as well as not having this in common and i remind him that it's okay, we can work at this. By the way i am his first girlfriend.It was hard for him as well as for me to be let into his world because i don't know if he was quite ready to let someone into his life, seeing as that hes only had to take care of himself and no one else. He likes to talk a lot and i'm not too much of a talker at times. About 6 months into the relationship he wanted to break up, and did, because he said that he just didn't feel like we were complatible, that we don't have enough things in common, and that it would be best for my sake if he let me go. it was hard, but i said okay. Then he wrote to me telling me that he is an idiot, that how could he pass up an amazing girl, he missed me....blah blah. so we talked it over and decided to give it another try. At this point it was because he was scared because he was becoming in love with me. He felt insecure. When we got back together, things went really well, we were communicating more, hanging out a lot more, getting more involoved into each others lives, hobbies.Then he moved away and it was hard because we spent so much time together, that it went from all the time to not so much time. He only lives two hours away, see him every other weekend, but its hard. we began to have our doubts, but said no, we can work at this. the other day he told me that we were not compatible. yes again! i couldnt believe it, i thought we overcame this. but apparently it sitting in the back of his mind. My problem that im getting at finally if that he says he loves me, he cant live without me, but the compatability is too great. He's confused about letting me go,he says he breaks his own heart thinking about it. and i told him i would give him time to think things thoroughly. i still believe that the things we have in common keep us together, just like they would for most couples. ive told him we could work at this, but im not sure if he wants to anymore. i'm not sure what to do.i know what i want which is to be with this man, but why do i feel like as much as i love him, this feels like a waste of time. it seems like im just waiting around for him to make up his mind. i just feel lost.
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got back together, insecure, long distance Reply to this Question
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male
reader, dirtball +, writes (18 November 2010):
 Yup, but you might want to set some sort of deadline in your head for when you'll no longer wait. You don't want to be waiting forever afterall. I wouldn't tell him about that deadline, just make a mental note.
A
female
reader, lushhh +, writes (18 November 2010):
lushhh is verified as being by the original poster of the questionyeah i definitely can still be with him while he figures things out. but if it is space that he needs then i will give him that. i reassure that i am not going anywhere ,that i will be here for him.despite the way he feels. i guess i just have to hope for the best and that he realizes what he wants sooner than later
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (18 November 2010): Of course relationships can work if you aren't compatible. You both have to want it to work though and it will be hard work, but worth it in the end.
If he loves you as much as he says he does, then he should do everything in his power to keep you and you do the same.
Good luck.
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A
male
reader, dirtball +, writes (18 November 2010):
Relationships can work if you're not fully compatible. The key is to want it to work. Honestly, he doesn't know what he wants. He's confused and learning about relationships. I think you're handling things pretty well given the situation, but all his hot and cold is bound to take a toll on you.
Embrace your differences and your commonalities. Without them you would be different people. Sadly he has to see this for himself. Do you think you can stay with him while he learns these lessons?
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