A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:When two people are in a relationship, do they have to tell everything to each other?example:- schedules?- appointments?- emails?My boyfiend went to a bodybuilding show in the fall, and I am not aware of that. I found a picture of him and a female contestant posing with his arm on her shoulder. Is this a big deal? or I am just jealous? please help. Thanks.
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female
reader, fishdish  +, writes (18 January 2011):
 No, I think, after hearing this other information, he has given you reason to have lost a little trust in him; you would think after the first time, with this tutored girl, he'd be into full disclosure/ transparency (ie learn from mistakes). I also don't like that he was pretty willing to give you up without a fight, i mean maybe he just didn't want to make the breakup hard on you, but I'd think that if he was really, wholly invested in you he would push for it to work out between you two. Try to go with your gut. If it doesn't feel right, it probably isn't. I know it's difficult; good luck.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (17 January 2011): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionthanks fishdish. i just want to ask some more questions, if i may. i am with this guy for 3 years now and this bodybuilding issue and picture is not the first time that he never mentioned anything until i found out. before, he was tutoring a girl and i honestly didn't know because as i said he never told me about it and i totally trust him. i found out the tutoring issue a year later, after i accidently saw his messages. this is the message that caught my attention:
'hi sir, i don't have homework right now, but i kinda missing you here. can u see me for lunch/supper? i'll be at school. you can message me and i'll check every minute... lol. If your busy, that's okay. Just let me know when i can call you.
when i saw this message, i was very angry. i confronted him and he said, she's married. when i confronted him about the bodybuilding picture, he said the parent of the contestant was there too and he can introduce me to them. what for? i broke up with him, and to my surprise he answered, i disagree, but if you want to leave there is no other way that i can make you stay. i gave him another chance, am i wrong? i am confused with my feelings now, is this guy worth it? or i should say is this relationship worth it? thanks for reading.
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A
female
reader, fishdish +, writes (17 January 2011):
also make it sound like you want to be a bigger part of his life, and do things together, that will be better than something confrontational
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A
female
reader, fishdish +, writes (16 January 2011):
I don't think it necessarily has to be as big of a deal as abella says: it IS a concern, I agree, but it might be the equivalent of someone going to a baseball game and getting their photo taken with a player. It's very possible he didn't think it was a big deal, to go to this event and be a fan and as a fan get his photo with her. Also, if he is interested in bodybuilding *even if he doesn't participate* bodybuilding appreciation doesn't mean sexual attraction typically, it means respect for one's development of muscle. I doubt that her figure is actually sexually appealing to him, but ask. You need to tell your bf that you want to be more informed about what he does in his spare time, try to explain to him why you think you should have known about his going to this event/getting this picture taken, because his covering it up makes it seem like he's doing something he shouldn't be. The only concern I have for you in this conversation is that you have the potential to come off as very...jealous, possessive, and overprotective. I would try to make it non-confrontational, and just coming from a place of slight hurt and curiousity more than accusation and betrayal, etc. I hope that helps.
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A
female
reader, Abella +, writes (16 January 2011):
 Thank you for the folllow up. That's very helpful.
But on another level: that's even worse. It was a social event for him. He should have told you he was going. And asked you if you were interested in attending. No doubt he had already admired the body of that woman enough for her to agree to having her photo taken with him.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (16 January 2011): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionthanks abella. i'm sorry what i mean 'he went to a bodybuiling show' is he watched the show but he is not part of it and he did not tell or ask me if i want to come etc...
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A
female
reader, Abella +, writes (16 January 2011):
partners don't have to tell each other everything under a compulsion desire of their partner.
Generally partners should naturally want to share a great deal of what happens (not every little thing - that's excessive and boring)
However keeping significant secrets from a partner is a warning bell. I would be concerned.
Body building is an absorbing hobby. Do you share his passion for this sport? Or have you expressed some dislike of it?
If he thought you did not like it then he may discuss less about it.
But a bodybuilding show? Most definitely yes. He should h There is a lot of pre-training for that. Additional care to diet and which exercises and what preparation would become increasingly important as the date approached. I am amazed he did not inform you of this event.
and yes I would be troubled by both the photo and his unwillingness to tell you about this.
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