A
female
age
26-29,
anonymous
writes:Has anyone else been questioning their sexuality? Do you think questioning it and having to remind yourself of things means your gay?Okay I really am tired of having obsessive thoughts about my sexuality (I have anxiety and I'm pretty sure I have some form of OCD as well.) for like 2 years I've been confused about my sexuality ever since one night I was getting off to lesbian porn and thought "oh my God this isn't normal. Am I lesbian??" But that can't be because of how strong attracted I am to men so what? Does this mean I'm bisexual?Growing up, a naked woman was the first type of porn I saw so I've always been attracted to boobs but I've never actually had the thought of "hey I wanna have sex with a girl." I've just been really psyched out because now I get like nervous around girls and I keep thinking "oh I wanna kiss her I wanna kiss her" when in reality I don't and I also feel like having to remind myself I'm not gay everyday is not a good sign but I knowww I'm not gay. So what does this mean? Am I curious? Straight? Bi? I just want this to go away.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (13 September 2015): It sounds to me that you have OCD. Look up HOCD; this condition sounds very similar to what you are experiencing. I have a lot of close gay friends in my life and I have a few friends who suffer from OCD. Never was sexuality a tormenting struggle for my gay friends. They always knew they were attracted to what they were attracted to and having relationships with the same sex was pleasing rather than something to cause anxiety. (BTW gay people with OCD question whether they are straight or not, OCD is about intrusive unwanted thoughts). My friends who suffer from OCD and more particularly HOCD, their questioning of sexuality becomes a torment rather than a pleasure. It has to do with UNWANTED thoughts. OCD is a real mental illness that if it goes unchecked can cause severe damage to a person. People with OCD will also obsess about killing their own family and they think that this is a sign they are homicidal or serial killers. It is simply not true and it just unwanted, fear based thoughts. To clarify, people suffering from HOCD are not homophobic and are often for gay rights. It's simply about not wanting to be something that you are not and OCD is a very complicated mental illness. I say talk to your parents openly, go see a GOOD therapist who knows of HOCD as well as a good psychiatrist. You will be fine, this sounds like normal OCD. There is nothing to be ashamed about, we all have our demons. Good luck!
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (4 September 2015): If i said to you something like "Yes, you are definately gay!!" would it make you feel happier.It is something you should decide for yourself.If you want to be gay and get turned on by lesbian porn then there is a good chance that you are gay..but if you see yourself walking hand in hand down the aisle with a man you are straight.If its with a woman dressed as a man then you would have a civil marriage rather than a traditional one.If you wanted to get married by a woman priest then that also is possible.If you just get turned on by porn and are not really interested in a real person,then it is just escapism.Just to take some of the weight off your young shoulders let me tell you off a not uncommon "treatment " for hysterical victorian young ladies that was a dildo that was left to arouse and bring them to orgasm. You can just imagine Lady Somebody or Other enquiring politely if the patient had recovered and the shaking of heads and frowning.Meanwhile the patient would be administered their medicine and therapy,presumably by the doctor or nurse.So does it really matter that much whether you are gay or straight because it has all been going round for centuries, either way.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (2 September 2015): I agree with Honeypie. :) You are who you are!
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (1 September 2015): We receive a lot of posts from young teens trying to define their sexual-orientation as "gay"; before they're actually sure what sexual-orientation means.
You know pretty early in life what you're attracted to; but it has to be consistent as you mature. It's more than just a fascination with naked body parts of people of the same sex. It's more than just being turned on by someone of the same sex.
You have to be both emotionally as well as physically attracted to a person of the same sex, before you can truly know. Then it takes a much more mature mind than a 16 year-old's, to fathom sexual-desires and emotions so complex. People twice your age still struggle.
At 16, avoid labeling yourself. Assume you are heterosexual; until you no longer have to wonder.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie + ♥, writes (1 September 2015):
 I think your generation are a little nutty with the NEED for labels on their sexuality.
YOU are who you are. And you will LOVE whomever you will love. You will be sexually attracted to whatever gender you are attracted to.
My 13 year old have declared that she is ACE (asexual) and do not want to date anyone or have kids... ever.... She is also 13. I have told her if that is how she feels that is just fine with me. My 15 year old in active in the LGBT group in high-school, but she has made any declaration, nor do I pry. IT REALLY DOESN'T matter to me what orientation they have now and will have in the future. AS long as they are happy.
If you NEED a label - make one up you FEEL fit you, or let it go till you actually start having a sex life.
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