| A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes: {Mod Note - OP's own title]Help! Can your man ALWAYS tell if HE'S had sex in the morning? My guy is telling me he didn't because he would KNOW, but when I came back in the room 30 minutes later, he had no boxers on and was cuddling, when I clearly left him with pants fully intacked.. He also has a HUGE hole in the boxers he wore, he says he was too drunk, he would know in the morning.. Is that true, do guys always know if they have had sex??
View related questions:
drunk Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, Miamine  +, writes (7 August 2010):
 Calm down.. I doubt they had anal sex, but your boyfriend was drunk and can't remember anything... I'm guessing the gay friend was drunk as well...
I believe this was a case of alcohol, loss of memory and mistaking identies.. your boyfriend thought the gay friend was you, and the gay friend may have believed he was sleeping with a gay partner..
No sexual intercourse happened, but your making your boyfriend feel bad about something that he had no control over. Is there a way for you to calm down and accept that things happen when people are drunk and sleeping.
A
female
reader, Miamine +, writes (7 August 2010):
If this were a woman, you would never have left them sleeping in bed after they had been drinking so much.
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (6 August 2010): Thank you for your input, I have a lot to think about, but mainly truly how angry I am with said gay man. My boyfriend and I regularly engage in anal sex, he always giving, so I do not think my man had intercourse, he would know THAT. There are other things coming out as time goes on.. This only happened 4 - 8am Sunday morning. There is also a huge ripped hole in the front of his boxers and I found out he was skinny dipping with gay man and a girl, that which he also has no memory of, so he apparently lost a good bit of time. While I was awake (and saw this), the guy tried kissing mine, and he pushed him away and laughs it off, "flattered, but uhh NO". I know I am not writing about this well, but I am broken up about it and it's so hard to explain. I am hurt, angry, and if this had been a woman I would have left my man in a second, but I really think he has no memory. My original question stands, can men tell that they have had sex, ie. pee differently after, "just know"? My man says he would absolutely know if anything got him off...
P.S. I am offended by the term "bait & switch" you used Dirtball, no way did I do that, I just left at 6:30am to pick up cigarettes for the two of us and was coming right back, never would I have meant to put him in that situation.
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (5 August 2010): Thank you, thank you everyone! I keep finding out more information as time passes, and eventually, the truth will come out. My boyfriend IS freaking out, he also had no idea he went skinny dipping with said gay man and a girl until someone told me then I passed that tidbit along to him. I am just afraid he knows more then he is telling me, either woke up half way through or really did think it was me, and is now horribly embarrassed.. We have anal sex and both of us enjoy it, him giving only. I do not think he had sex with a man, but I do think he knows a little more then he's letting on. Unfortunately, me freaking out about this is making him freak out and making him feel terrible. I hate it, but if this was a woman, I would have left him. Being a man that did this to him, I actually do think he was assaulted. I am trying really hard to let it go, but I want to beat the crap out of said gay man. I have known him since he was in high school and is my brother and his fiance's friend. My gay friends are saying this guy has no self control and probably gave him a hand job in the very least. They are up set about it, because they love my boyfriend and I, and think he's wonderful. They even joke with him about how hot he is, and he always just tells them how flattered he is, it didn't even bother him! Ugh, I hate this so much..
...............................
A
male
reader, dirtball  +, writes (5 August 2010):
 Thanks anon who liked my advice.
OP, I love the fact that you think we're rude for asking about the details you left out. It makes my day. I love asking for advice about something, but giving the people I'm asking for help nothing with which they can form any sort of conclusion or offer any help. I mean, I get my best advice when I don't give any details about what happened. Oh shoot, I forgot to switch to the sarcasm font again...
In light of the new information that you provided, I am going to infer that nothing happened. Personally, I like sleeping naked. If he's the same way he might have taken his boxers off because they make him feel uncomfortable. He probably wasn't even awake when he rolled over and started cuddling the person next to him. After all, you were next to him when he went to sleep. The bait and switch you pulled would likely have pissed him off if he had known about it.
...............................
A
female
reader, Miamine +, writes (5 August 2010):
I agree with quiet-echo.. there may have been some cuddling and some masturbation activity, but there was no penetrative sex. The anus is very different from the vagina and needs more active participation.
It could be the case that your partner was asleep and the gay man was awake. Then this is a case of sexual assult because your partner did not consent to anything, and was being assulted by a man who knew what he was doing.
If it happened to you, we'd be all angry and calling that man a rapist.
...............................
A
female
reader, Gabrielle Stoker +, writes (5 August 2010):
 That was the information the question so desperately needed.
Anyway, to answer, there have been instances of men having sex in their sleep without realizing it, though I suppose it's very rare. It's happened once in my personal experience when I guy I was with fell asleep after we had had sex. About an hour later while we were still in bed together (a couch actually) he began to go at it again and though it felt a little mechanical from his side, he did ejaculate.
When he woke up, he refused to beleive he had gone a second time until I showed him the semen on my belly and on the leather couch.
So it does happen.
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (5 August 2010): Wow, you guys are rude and tough. I apologize it's just I'm freaking out about this. I left him in bed, to run out for cigarettes roughly 30 minutes, with a gay man. He has NEVER shown any interest in men, and this was a crazy party everyone was at, and basically my guy fell asleep on one side of me and my gay friend on the other.. My man was cuddling with the gay man with his boxers off, and when I left to run the errand they were definitely ON.
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (5 August 2010): @Dirtball: I'm finding myself looking for a "LIKE" button, as on Facebook, so that I can LIKE your response! It's wonderful!
...............................
A
female
reader, Miamine +, writes (4 August 2010):
I don't understand the problem.. men wake up with a hard on, if your in the bed they start that bloody funny stuff.. they are half asleep, and in my humble opinon will masturbate of have sex with anything that has a suitable form..
What's wrong with your guy masterbating in the morning, why is this a problem?
...............................
A
female
reader, Honeypie + ♥, writes (4 August 2010):
 Did you mean he "did" himself? Or were there someone else in the bed? It's not really clear.
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (4 August 2010): This post is incomprehensible. You caught him with his pants off after a night out cuddling with some other lady?
...............................
A
male
reader, dirtball +, writes (4 August 2010):
I'm confused. Cuddling with who? Did you leave him in bed with someone else? That doesn't seem very smart, especially when he's wasted drunk. Where did you leave him? What does the hole in the boxers have to do with anything? I'm really confused.
There are cases of people who have sex in their sleep. I actually saw a special about it. It's like sleep walking, but people will have sex. They won't remember anything about it. I have a friend who's ex husband had this condition. She said she'd wake up to him doing things to her in her sleep. She learned how to deal with him, but usually found it was best to just let him do what he had to.
We really need more info to know what happened though. You left out some key details here.
...............................
|
