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female
age
,
anonymous
writes: Well, I really would like to hear as much opinion as possible. Do man usually losing their sexual self after 40? Or this is rare? How common is the diminished sexual desire, and non medical based erectile problems? Please help me out.....I was reading lots of complains about man's sexual behavior over 40 . Many woman states , that their husband gone of sex, and they don't have good erection,and than, there comes the, sexless marriage. Now ,I have the same problem, my husband gone off sex with me sharply at 45. It was very strange, as once he went soft ,while having sex, and after that never got a normal erection again. He is losing it ,when we try to have sex, and has no desire at all. He went to many specialist. No problems with his health. What a mystery..Please help me solve it! Thanks
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (5 February 2011): Always see a doctor if this happens, because it may very well be an endocrinologic problem, and that needs to be ruled out first.
Prior advice is good, but for one area. Alcohol may be a bigger issue than recognized in the past, and dropping it altogether is a good idea. The caffeine is probably not much of an issue but can be for some people.
Tobacco, a huge problem, that needs to go if it is something that he is using.
Medications cause this frequently, and doctors frequently have no clue that it is happening because the patients don't tell them or deny it.
A
male
reader, CaringGuy  +, writes (4 February 2011):
Nice answer Odds. Can't really add to that.
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A
male
reader, Odds  +, writes (4 February 2011):
 There are a lot of factors at play.
One is that, yes, after 35 or 40 the parts just don't work as well as they used to, he has less testosterone and other sex hormones to give him his sex drive. This can be countered by regular excercise, less caffeine and alcohol (a glass or wine or a beer a day is good, so is one small cup of coffee), and more physical intimacy outside of sex (hug more often, try to kiss for f to 10 seconds twice a day).
Another is that he's been with the same woman for however many years, and you're getting older, as well. Not trying to be insulting here, just trying to help. Fortunately, the same things that will improve his sex drive will make you sexier - so join a gym, watch your intake of caffeine and alcohol, and try to kiss/cuddle more. Growing your hair out and wearing sexier clothing even when at home can also work.
A third factor is his pride. He went soft mid-coitus, according to your post. This can really shake a man's confidence. It would be like if you woke up one day and found that you were completely bald. It's scary. Best way to fix this is to completely take the pressure off him to perform. If he loses it during sex again, keep kissing him, keep smiling, and have him finger you as if nothing happened. Do not ask him whats wrong, or call attention to it in any way. Just keep being physical as if it's no big deal, and if it comes up again, great; if not, better luck next time. The point is to save his pride.
If the doctors say there is nothing wrong with him, that's great, and it's more psychological. If you can stomach the thought of it, you could watch porn with him before sex to help each other get aroused, though your ego has to be pretty solid for that to be an option. If you choose that route, pick some porn that you like rather than having him pick. Turn it off after foreplay - it's like jump-starting an engine, really. Again, though, you have to be pretty self-assured for that to work, so use your discretion.
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