A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Hello, I am a 33 year old woman. I met a man thru a mutual friend about 2 months ago and we have been dating very frequently. The only problem is, he is an ex heroine addict that is living in a halfway house for another month. He went thru rehab and has swore to me that he is completely done and is looking to turn his life around. He treats me very well, takes me to dinner, movies, his families house etc but the only problem is he doesn't have a car or a place to live when he leaves the halfway house. It is really starting to frustrate me that I constantly need to pick him up every single time we go out and drop him back. Also, he doesn't have a job lined up for when he leaves or a place to stay. I am afraid I am dating a loser and don't want to waste time but he keeps reassuring me that these things are only temporary not permanent. He is very kind, patient, respectful and I enjoy my time with him but I am just afraid of the future. I don't think I am better than him but I have a good idea, car etc and just feel I am the one that his it together in this relationship. What do I do? Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (22 August 2012):
 It sounds to me like he’s trying. I would personally tread carefully. He may go back to using as backsliding is common especially if this is his first time getting clean.
Why do you feel guilty, ending a relationship because it’s not working for you is taking care of yourself and unless you gave birth to him, he’s not your responsibility.
Maybe you can “friend zone” him for a while to make sure he’s on the road to permanent recovery…. Just tell him that the more you learn about addictions the more you think that a serious relationship is not in his best interest now…. And then step back to the fringe of his life and see how it goes…
A
reader, anonymous, writes (22 August 2012): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionHello, he has been clean for 9 months now. I forgot to mention that he works at a catering hall part time and is going back to school in January to finish his degree which will take three months. I just feel kinda guilty because we have already met eachother's families and things went well.
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A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (21 August 2012):
people who are beating addictions are told NO RELATIONSHIPS for twelve months... how long has he been clean?
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A
male
reader, doublejack +, writes (21 August 2012):
Don't walk, run away from him! This man is in no position to enter into a relationship with anyone. He needs to focus on himself and get his life in order. You know the list of things he needs to sort out, including a job, a place to stay, a means of transportation, etc.
If he swears he is willing to turn his life around, then let him prove it by actually doing it! Until that time it is just words, and you are at great risk of being used by him.
Best of luck!
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (21 August 2012): I know that I don't know u but it seems that u r coming off a little desperate. The only person that u could b fixed up with is a ex heroine addict? Ur friend is wrong 4 even setting up with a person like that. A woman such as urself seems 2 have urself 2gether and a person who is in a halfway house, no job, no car, etc and u wondering y ur frustrated? Sweetie u just answered ur own questions. U can do better. That doesn't mean he can't change but that's not what u need right now.
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A
female
reader, Ciar  + ♥, writes (21 August 2012):
 Walk away now. When he has sorted himself out, and has a few years of sobriety and stability under his belt then consider dating him if he's still in the picture and you're both so inclined.
People can change and do so every day, for better and for worse. But building a life together is no small undertaking. You need to be reasonably certain having him around will enhance yours before you take any big risks. And heroine addiction carries some pretty hefty risks. There are health concerns, which may affect you not to mention the likelihood of relapse.
Two months in and you're already frustrated and you have every right to be. A healthy relationship requires some give and take. A man with no home, no job, no means to support himself has little to offer a woman beyond polite conversation.
My advice it to walk away. People must accept the consequences of their actions and fewer romantic options is one of those consequences. You do not have to protect this man from disappointment or single handedly give hm a new lease on life.
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