A
male
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Hi Everybody, I am in a mess and some advice would hopefully be a massive help. I started seeing a girl at work 7 months ago, this girl is without doubt the love of my life, she is funny, beautiful and i love spending all of my time with her, things got off on the wrong foot as we both left partners for each other, mine of 2 years and hers of 4. At first we were really happy and we spent all of our time together going out and generally been together, things started to go wrong when i found out that my girlfriend had been txting her ex saying that she wanted to be with him and how she still loved him. When i asked her about this she said she was so sorry and it was a mistake and would never happen again. I suppose the trust was lost at that point and when we went away on holiday i mistakinly read through her phone and they were more messages on there which said i want to be with you and i loved been out in the car and been around yours. I again asked and again i was told it was a mistake and i was the one i love. The final straw was i found out that at the start of our relationship she slepth with her b/f behind my back. After all of this I still stuck by her and loved her with all of my heart. She has suddly turned around and said she can't do this anymore and wants her space. I am so heartbroken i cant eat sleep or think staright i just sit in my empty flat and cry. I really need some on what to do. Do i try to get back as she makes me the happiest i have ever been or just walk away and be unhappy. Please help and thankyou for your time
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (9 December 2008): I thought that men are capable of cheating than women. It sounds strange to me. How can you accept your long lasting fear of cheating just to be with her. Believe me to be hurt once is better to live with such a kind of person. I know we are unable to see our lovers faults, but I am sure that you can pass this phase and once again you will find the one that all of us wish. SO LEAVE her go although it hurts too much but it is better.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (9 December 2008): It sounds like she had not resolved her feelings for her ex when she got together with you. It's hard to be in a healthy loving relationship when you aren't over the last one. She tried to get over it by being with you, but she has realized this isn't helping and needs space to figure things out. I say give her the space to see what happens. You've probably heard the saying "if you love something set it free. If it comes back to you it's yours. If it doesn't, it never was". This is very true in relationships. I would tell her that you love her, but you're going to step back and let her have some time to come to her own conclusions without your input or influence. She will respect you for this, and if there is anything real between you, she will be back. In the meantime, be good to yourself, keep active, hang out with your friends, etc. She may not come back, but if you do these things then it will be easier to continue without her if you keep a semblance of normal life right now instead of staying in your apartment crying. Best of luck, I know it hurts.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (9 December 2008): You have to move on. I have been in a simalar situation, believe me your better off single than putting all your hopes on a girl who sounds like she still loves her ex. The way you've gotta think is that thier are millions of great women who are single and complication free who will love YOU and won't mess you about. Put yourself out there life is too short not to. Xxx
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (9 December 2008): do what feels right to you. my husband had a huge affair and i retaliated. the only thing is that we were scared for 9 months because i got pregnant. turned out the baby is my husbands. we are stronger as a couple but we both still worry.
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