A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Hello aunties and uncles, I've been dating my boyfriend (who doesn't label me his 'girlfriend' due to some 'commitment issues') for over a year and a half and I am realizing lately that I've been wanting to tell him that I love him. I find myself almost slipping up with the words, 'love you' before I leave or get off the phone with him. The problem is I'm not normally the girlie, lovey-dovey type who wears her heart on her sleeves. So I wanted to know how long should I wait to tell him how I feel. Did I wait long enough or should I wait for the two year mark? Is there a mark to be reached? And what if he doesn't say it back to me because he seems a little estranged from the whole love thing since his last girlfriend whom he dated for three years and was engaged to? I'm a really guarded person and he is my first EVERYTHING. I don't know what I'd do if he doesn't reciprocate the feeling. Thank you guys for reading and helping. =-)
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male
reader, DoubleM +, writes (6 August 2008):
 Well I think that it would certainly be reasonable, after 1-1/2 years, that the "love" word has become part of the relationship. You are otherwise apparently involved with a married man, a love-triangle or worse, and the best anyone could really offer you is a hopeful wish that you will learn from this.
A
female
reader, Mia0675 +, writes (6 August 2008):
Trust me on this. The man should always say I love you first!
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A
female
reader, pinktopaz +, writes (6 August 2008):
I would say to not tell him. If he's not labeling you as his girlfriend, has commitment issues, it's been over a year and a half AND he still hasn't said the "L" word first, I think that you should keep your feelings to yourself, even as much as you would like to express them. I think if you tell him that you love him he may freak out, being that you seem to be "comfortable" not being labeled as his girlfriend, which will just end up with you broken hearted because he doesn't feel the same way. I'm sure he cares about you, but guys with commitment issues are a breed of their own.
Then again, maybe he's been wanting to say it and has been afraid. I also think you should consider your options--don't you think that you're wasting your time on a guy that isn't ready for a committed relationship? If you aren't already dating other people, I think you should. Although you have feelings for him, his failure to commit is going to leave you hurt either way. It seems that he's stringing you along and keeping you there, simply put, because you are there. I wouldn't suggest giving him an ultimatum, but let him know that you have "strong" feelings for him, but with the way that things have been going, you need to keep your options open.
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