A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I love a guy madly over the past 3 years and I really can't live without him but he is not ready for marriage. He says that his parents will not agrree to that. What do I do?? Reply to this Question
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (13 March 2011): 16 years ago, I had to convinced my parents to let my younger brother marry the girl of his choice. Now the couple is very happy and so are my parents. I have seen other other such cases.You could ask some of your boy friend's relative's, who are more open minded and can influance your would be in-laws to help and intervene.
A
female
reader, tennisstar88  +, writes (13 March 2011):
 Correct me if I'm wrong but arranged marriages are popular in your country..Seeing as his parents are probably grooming him to take another woman's hand in marriage, means you will be waiting till eternity.
If he truly loved you he would convince his parents otherwise, he's not evening fighting for your love. What does that tell you? That he pretty much accepts that you two will not ever marry. Now the question is why are you still with him when he CAN live without you?
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female
reader, Radhika Arora +, writes (12 March 2011):
 Dear, I understand that "parents won't agree" problem as I am also an Indian. Your boyfriend is just creating a excuse for not marrying you. If he really loved you, he would have tried to convince his parents instead of telling you at once that his parents won't agree. Just tell him to convince his parents. If he doesn't try then your Boyfriend didn't love you and had been trifling. If he tries and fails, then its your bad luck. Most of the men choose their parents. But maybe he is different to choose you.
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reader, anonymous, writes (12 March 2011): You might as well be expecting to win the lotto without buying any tickets.
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (12 March 2011): Any man who chooses his parents over the woman he loves is not a man. Find a man who has the ability to make his own decisions and be happy.
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female
reader, dearkelja +, writes (12 March 2011):
 The short answer is no, you need to move on.
Let's roll forward three years from now. Somehow he decides to go against his parents wishes much to his own dismay. The two of you are married but his parents don't want him in their life, they dismiss you like a read newspaper. He begins to regret his decision to marry you and feels unconnected with his own family.
Then the two of you have kids. Kids who will not know the joy of having involved grandparents on one side. This gives this man more regret and he detaches himself from you and begins to see you as a negative influence on his life. You become the one who took him away from his family, even though he made the choice.
Now even you begin to regret this. You see happy extended families. Your friends have happy extended families and you find yourself thinking what if. What if I had headed my inner voice and left this man in search of a relationship that would be more rewarding for "me, my kids, his parents and him?"
My daughter made a tough decision to leave a man who's parents didn't even give her a chance. She was not the right religion. The two of them tried but it became a "topic of conflict" about once a day. Everyone was feeling guilty and eventually my daughter thought about what kind of relationship she really wanted. Even though she loved the man, she loved herself more and wanted more for her.
Give yourself space to think about this.
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A
female
reader, Aunty BimBim  +, writes (12 March 2011):
 You have already spent three years of your life waiting for him, how many more years are you prepared to wait, one, two, five, ten, maybe 25, or even forever?
He says his parents wont agree, in other words he is going to use his parents as an excuse to not marry you.
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reader, anonymous, writes (12 March 2011): Ask him again, ask him if he will ever want to get married. If he says yes, then your love should be the only thing that matters, not his parents or yours. Nothing. If he says no, then think about it and ask yourself if your going to miss being married. If you think that you will, it might be time to break up, if you guys want different things, and he doesn't want to change his mind, there is no point being in a relationship that has no future. Hope this helps :)
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female
reader, Aunty Honest  +, writes (12 March 2011):
 Unfortunately, there's not many options here. It sounds like you've spoken about the issue before, but perhaps you need to find out if he's EVER going to be ready to marry you. If the answer's no, then it sounds like you're going to have to walk away. Maybe say you love him, but you need to know that one day it could go somewhere. If he can't even give you it as a possibility, then it sounds like you're never going to get what you want from this guy, and staying with him will not only hurt you deeply in the long run but also waste alot of time. It's really hard to walk away from someone you love, but if you're never going to get what you need from him, then it becomes a matter of when you no longer feel that you can be happy with him, knowing it'll never be how you want it. Often the longer we stay with someone the more painful it is to walk away, so if you can (and I know it's hard!) try not to ignore the problem just so you can stay with him, because then you'll probably both end up more hurt.
On the other hand, if you ask him these questions it might turn out that he's just not thinking about marriage yet, and one day he'll be happy to stick up to his parents and make the commitment. Only one way to find out...
You say you can't live without him, and I think we've all felt like that! But I think you do yourself a diservice. I bet, if it turns out the relationship isn't what you want it to be at some point down the line, you'll be stronger then you ever thought you could be.
Hope things work out.
All the best.
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