A
female
age
,
anonymous
writes:My husband has been a wonderful provider for myself and our two children. He has always worked hard, and I have stayed home with the children, moving countries when necessary to follow his career. He was successful in becoming the head of one of the companies, but has now been ushered out, with pension and a parachute, after turning the company around. He simply became too expensive for them. Here's my problem. I have never met his boss from overseas. He will probably be his retirement party. This boss knew that I was in to have major surgery, and yet he still insisted on asking my husband to go to Europe the same week to tell him this news. After 20 years of service with the same firm. Then, after my husband cancelled the trip because I was on meds that made me require adult supervision, this boss called him and told him over the phone, six days after my surgery. I have no wish to be introduced to him or shake his hand. I think he is a giant asshole, his timing was lousy and that it also wasn't necessary to tell us at such a time, which was confirmed by others at the top. Do I have an obligation to meet him or be civil? Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (19 August 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI shall be picturing him on the bottom of my shoe! I will say, "Hello.", and be thinking *you asshole*, Forevah!!!
You guys are so very good and so very perceptive. This is exactly the kind of pep talk that I needed - because up 'till now, I really just wanted to kick him in the proverbials.
And I love that Rythym and Tisha mentioned Miss Manners, and how she would behave. She always found the kindest way to NOT tell a person, straight out, how badly they were behaving. I'll try to suck it up and be a lady.
And in order to do that, I'll save the Martini's until later, Duckies! Let's hope that karma bites him in the ass...
Hahaha, q, you sure like to get to the heart of things. I suspected the same thing that you surmised. I kind of felt that he was envious and likes to push his weight around. And I do love that line about keeping enemies close!
It's nice to have someone else agree that they wouldn't give him the time of day either, grimm.
Well, I have a lot of fuel that will keep the fire inside me stoked up. But, I will try to rein it in a be civil! I will be repeating your words like a mantra in my head in order not to take this guy out - and I am pissed, menopausal and equal to that task...
Thanks for your insights. XXX
A
male
reader, GrimmReality  +, writes (19 August 2009):
 You really have no obligation to even give this guy the time of day. I sure wouldn't
But remember that even though this may have been horrible timing that in reality all that is cared about in business is the bottom line. So this guy would not have cared if you were sick or not. It was about letting your husband go, not about hurting you
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A
female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (19 August 2009):
 I don't blame you one tiny bit for not wanting to meet the flaming a**h***. I'm sure there are business reasons for the timing and the way it was done, blah blah blah.
The point is that it has affected YOU and your husband on the most fundamental level and you have to find a way to cope with it.
I think I would probably try to channel Miss Manners and through the sheer absolutely correct, perfectly formal and precise way that I met him, I would manage to convey the icy cold fury I feel and the utter contempt in which I hold him. There's no reason to smile at him, just say the right things, shake the coward's hand and head high, shoulders back, chin up and relevant injured body part ostentatiously wrapped or otherwise on display, I'd walk away. I'd cut him from then on. Not the slicing kind of cut, but the kind where they say, "She cut him dead." Basically declaring him socially dead to you.
See, the world of business can be small, depending on the field he was in, and you don't want to spoil any future opportunities your husband might encounter. I went to a similar retirement party, where essentially the man was forced to retire. I met his wife who was sullen and bitter at the entire event, got rip roaring drunk and actually fell asleep at the table. Okay, maybe she passed out. Anyway, she made such a scene that that's what we remember about this guy. You don't want that to happen to your husband.
So do not let the presence of this man ruin your husband's retirement party. Be charming and gracious and lovely to everyone else. You've done your duty, you've sacrificed so much for this man, why not make one more teeny tiny sacrifice? It's miniscule in the overall perspective of all you've done.
Sounds like you are having a tough year. You'll be happier in the long run if you do what's right for your husband and yourself, and that is be the lady whom no one can fault because of her impeccable manners.
Hugs.
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reader, anonymous, writes (19 August 2009): I can understand your anger at the situation, and perhaps this boss did not handle it the way you thought he should, but I am wondering about his bosses at the top if they are being completely honest with you. Perhaps this boss had good intentions in wanting to let him know first in person out of respect and unable to do that he wanted to tell him as soon as possible so that he would simply know and could make his plans accordingly.
I don't know whose decision it was to let your husband go, but in these economic times it is happening a lot! I guess if I were you I would try and look at it this way.
What would it really change or solve to snub the guy who at one time was a work colleague of your husband's? Do you really want to burn bridges or just suck it up and move on? I know you are angry at this change in your lives, no one likes change and we often want to find someone to blame for how badly we feel. Whether or not blame needs to be assigned, I have no idea, but I am guessing this was a business decision and sometimes those are made wrongly or rightly to keep the business profitable and lean and mean.
This seems like a question for "Miss Manners", in my estimation, she would say just be civil and no more.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (19 August 2009): As an adult the advice would be yes I guess be civil...but...If it were me I'd refuse to shake his hand and tell him he's a giant a**hole!!! At the end of the day what he did was not only thoughtless, it was down right disrespectful!! But I guess only you know what would make you feel better - for me it'd be the latter, for you it may be the former - but good luck! It pees me off to hear stories of the nice people being well and truly pooped on by a**holes like this man and I wish more people would stand up for themselves.Whatever you do, make sure you retain a level of decorum - you are, after all a lady and this man isn't fit to live on the bottom of your shoe!!Good luck :)
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