A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Hello, I know this sounds silly but I just cant help but to get annoyed with my boyfriends flat mate. He used to have a long term girlfriend and has broken up with her and since then its like he is trying to get my bf to go out with him all the time for girls. my bf and I see each other all the time at the weekend and he knows this because i stay at their flat at the weekend we have done this for over a year! he always asks him to go out to get a drink now - not inviting me and my bf always says he is busy but still, when he was with his gf he totally ignored my bf cuz he was with her EVERYDAY. another thing that totally annoys me is that he always talks about girls now to my bf always. he is always asking for his opinion and always tells him things that he is doing with girls and i dont like it!they are both in a band together and when i was sitting next to my bf graham started saying "dude lets go out tomrorow night" and he asked why? and he said that he needs to get stuff out his systems he then persisted to go and say, lets go out tuesday or wednesday then he said oh and you busy at the weekend and it really annoyed me cuz i was sitting right there he should bloody know he isnt free or at least invite me! and when he was sitting with the band all he kept doing was looking at girls and telling other people to keep their mouths closed when they werent even looking. I dont like him cuz of this its like he is trying to get my bf to go out all the time with him and to totally disregard our time together!i hate how he always makes my bf comment on other girls by pushing him to do so i think it is disrespectful and just horrible!even after the exams he was mentioning that they should all go to the strippers! - which i am against, i think its horrible for him to suggest that. so my bf studies all week for an exam and thats how he should celebrate by going there instead of seeing his gf?? they didnt go, cuz they thought that another club would be better and my bf promised me that he wouldve went home if they all went inside because he isnt like that.they both have a gig (they are in a band too) on next week and I really cnt be bothered going! cuz i dont trust this guy and i think he would try his hardest to make my bf cheat!and he is speaking of going out after it - and i cant be bothered sitting in his company if i dont particulary like him never mind going to a club with him!iv said to my bf if we are going out after the gig and he said it all depends - i then said "what, so it depends if "graham" is going out" and he said "I dunno, well do you want to go out??" and then i said i dunno ... and he said "well tell you what, lets get an early night instead and get up early and go do something tomorrow togeather?" I feel upset that he is suggested this, I almost feel like I am making him not go out with his friend. But, I jst have a horrible feeling about him...tell me i have a point or to grow up please :/need some advice !xx
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (25 February 2012): Yeah, i suppose , i said this to my bf and he just lauged at me :( I dont think he really wants to split us up ... its jsut that he drives me nuts!! I literally go nuts everytime i hear him mentioned because i feel so angry at him!so i was told today that he was showing my bf condoms he wants to buy?? and also, he said to him that in his hometown they can all play a gig at his local pub every thursday night ! hearing this has upset me :/ cuz it means i wont be there cuz i have uni til 5 and theres no way i would make it to the north in less that 2 hrs :/so thats turning into a weekly thing and before he broke up with his gf, she didnt like him working in that pub because all the girls used to fling themselve at him, and now my bf is going :/ i know i sound daft, deep down i know my bf wouldnt cheat on me, but i know that graham is constantly going on about being single and having threesomes, and having dates and trying to get my bf to look at girls and get him to go out with him and the whole strip club thing, im just too scared that my bf might think that he has a much better life, seeing as his doesnt need to see a gf most of the week and also he could do what he likes :/ i just dont want my bf to being tempted to do this too and there is even talkk that there band might go on to play bloodstock this year :/ :/where i cant go ASWEL! I dont trust graham and i feel like my bf looks up at him at times and thinks he's "the man" i hate it
A
female
reader, Miamine +, writes (22 February 2012):
 You ever heard the term "misery likes company", you two remind Graham about what he has lost, so he want's to destroy you. He's not acting like a friend right now, he's being selfish. That's why I say the best thing you can do is to be happy and in love and not let Graham get to you. He'll piss off and find something else to do if he can see he can't break up a happy team.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (22 February 2012): Exactly! I dont get it?
when i was single before my bf i invited all my friends out and when i wanted to go ot and meet guys i went with my single friends! cuz i knew that there were no point asking my taken friends ?
but he only wants my bf to go with him, he doesnt ask anyone else!
i dont get it
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A
female
reader, Miamine +, writes (21 February 2012):
I liked the last bit.. get your boyfriend to get one of his single friends to take Graham off your hands.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (21 February 2012): Thanks guys.
I know I cant/shouldnt tell him to not go out with him but it is driving my crazy cuz he is just all up in his face now, like even when we are cookin dinner which we have bought my bf will feel obliged that we cook for him too! cuz he is "lonely" but we always pay for it and we always make it!
he just chats to my bf like he is single now and i do share my bf cuz they are together the now!
the live together, go to the same uni together and they are in a band together so i cant exactly tell him not to see him cuz they see each other every single day i just wish he had a bit more respect and maybe consulted in his other friends or their other flatmate who is single who would be happy to go out with him !
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A
female
reader, Miamine +, writes (21 February 2012):
"I dont trust this guy and i think he would try his hardest to make my bf cheat!"You need to back away from the situation, relax and breathe. Your so angry at this so-called friend, it sounds like your spending all your time thinking about him instead of thinking about your boyfriend.Please give your boyfriend a little respect. How in the hell is anyone going to get him to cheat? Is cheating some kind of disease someone can catch, like you because you know someone single, all of a sudden you want to dump your girlfriend and join them. He asked your guy to go out, you boyfriend said no. He asked him to go watch strippers, your boyfriend isn't interested. Your boyfriend said something about going out, but he didn't say, "You stay at home, I'll catch you in the morning" and then go find some girl to cheat with.. he asked you to come too.Your snapping at your boyfriend for no reason at all, when your boyfriend hasn't done anything wrong. Graham likes to look at girls, your boyfriend likes to look at you and study books. Right now your playing into Graham's game, getting angry and upset, thinking about how Graham should behave, worrying about how Graham talks in front of you.. GRAHAM, GRAHAM, GRAHAM!!!! Your paying the wrong attention I think.Stuff Graham, your not dating him, he is not your friend. Let him say what he wants, let him ask what he wants. The only things you should be concerned about is your boyfriend and what you want out of life. Now your poor boyfriend has Graham whose gone sex mad, and an upset angry girlfriend, and he's stuck in the middle worried about saying anything to anyone in case it all blows up in his face. Poor guy has all this and exams.Even if he gets rid of Graham, you'll still be upset because you'll feel guilty. Graham is an unhappy single, we all have friends like that. Your lucky you have a boyfriend who loves you so you don't have to worry about that. No you don't need to grow up, of course you have a point. But can I ask you a question, how is the way your behaving and your attitude bringing either you or your boyfriend happiness in life? Ignore bloody Graham, don't be his friend, let your boyfriend deal with the invitations and his nonsense. Hopefully Graham will find a girlfriend soon and get back to normal. Learn to trust your boyfriend, Graham can't steal him away from you because he's not interested in what Graham is offering.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie  + ♥, writes (20 February 2012):
 I wouldn't tell your BF he can't go out with him either, to me it seems like your BF understands the situation quite fine. Even if they did go out I doubt the flatmate can MAKE your BF do anything he doesn't want to.
Hopefully the flat mate will find a girl who can put up with him and you and your BF will have peace and quiet again.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (20 February 2012): Talking with your bf would be a good start -- not obliquely but grabbing the bull by the horns. He's done a good job of doing the right thing, but that job would be easier if he knew what you thought of the situation as he'd then feel that you and he were on the same side, rather than him stuck in the middle trying to keep everyone happy.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (20 February 2012): I can see how this could be upsetting but you have to let your b/f go out with his friends as well.
His friend is obviously feeling lonely after his break up & needs some "guy time" to get over it.
You'd feel exactly the same if you'd just been though a break up & wanted to spend time with your girl friends & eye-up guys.
There nothing wrong with that is there?
The guys lonely let him borrow your b/f for a bit =P
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (20 February 2012): Its not you that needs to grow up. I dont think you should tell your boyfriend not to go out with his flatmate though, leave it up to him to decide what he wants to do.You just have to trust him. If he does go out then you have a girls night out so your not sat home worrying what he's up to,you'll be too busy enjoying yourself.
I can definately see why your annoyed, but hopefully this friend will be in another relationship soon and things will be back to normal
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