A
male
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Hey guys...I really need some help when it comes to chatting to girls. When I'm out at a nightclub, I absolutely love to dance, I know I'm a good dancer (don't want to sound arrogant), but I usually have a girl who will dance up near me, or keep looking in my direction. For instance, one of my friends, is in an "open relationship" with a girl, every time she wanted to go and dance, she asked me to go with her instead of him.But it's what comes next that I have trouble with, I have absolutely no confidence when trying to chat up a girl. The girl couldn't be making it any more obvious that she is into me, it's just like I freeze and don't know what to do.For example, last night I was out at a club with a couple of friends, we saw some other people that we know, I don't know them very well personally, but I've seen them around before, particularly one girl who I think is stunning. So we are all dancing and having a laugh and she starts dancing right in front of me and in my head, my brain is telling me to reach out, grab her and start to dance with her, make something happen. But in reality, I'm just looking at her, doing nothing but dancing right in front of her.I need some pointers, what does a girl want in this situation, how can I appear more confident? I understand that I'm not going to find my wife this way, I just want to be a confident guy who doesn't have any issues with girls anymore...I'm 19 years old, haven't had a girlfriend for years...I haven't even kissed a girl for about 4 years, it's getting pretty depressing to be honest.I appreciate any type of help or advice that you can give to me.Thanks
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reader, anonymous, writes (31 January 2011): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks for the answer K_C100, that was a really in depth answer and I appreciate it.I forgot to add, that I come from a group of friends that are all comfortable when talking to girls, I'm pretty much the only one that has this trouble. I see them just strike up conversation with girls over nothing and then they are all over each other lolI don't want to sound cheap or tacky or anything, but in this situation, I just want to know that I am confident enough just to speak to a girl for a few mins, in a nightclub, and just get a quick kiss out of it or something. Like I said, I'm not looking for a wife here, I just want to become more confident around women. That could come across pretty badly, but I don't intend it to, I have respect for women, I'm not a guy that treats girls like dirt and that's what is so frustrating...it's like I'm more a friend to girls than I could be a boyfriend and I put that down to my lack of confidence in my ability to move things forwards.Again, many thanks for your answer, I'm gonna try and build up all the confidence I can before next weekend and I finally man up! (hopefully) haha
A
reader, anonymous, writes (31 January 2011): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks for the answer K_C100, that was a really in depth answer and I appreciate it.I forgot to add, that I come from a group of friends that are all comfortable when talking to girls, I'm pretty much the only one that has this trouble. I see them just strike up conversation with girls over nothing and then they are all over each other lolI don't want to sound cheap or tacky or anything, but in this situation, I just want to know that I am confident enough just to speak to a girl for a few mins, in a nightclub, and just get a quick kiss out of it or something. Like I said, I'm not looking for a wife here, I just want to become more confident around women. That could come across pretty badly, but I don't intend it to, I have respect for women, I'm not a guy that treats girls like dirt and that's what is so frustrating...it's like I'm more a friend to girls than I could be a boyfriend and I put that down to my lack of confidence in my ability to move things forwards.Again, many thanks for your answer, I'm gonna try and build up all the confidence I can before next weekend and I finally man up! (hopefully) haha
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A
female
reader, k_c100 +, writes (31 January 2011):
 Well good thing is that when a girl keeps looking at you and dancing near you - she likes you! So at least you have not got problems in that department, all you need to do is make the next step.
Now I know, from my own personal experiences and talking to my younger sister (who is about a year older than you) and her friends - girls dont like to be grabbed and grinded with by a stranger in a club. It is pretty trashy and a bit of an invasion of personal space. So please, dont try and grab any of these girls that are dancing near you and rub yourself up against them, the majority of girls wont like it! And also - dont pinch their bums either, that is incredibly annoying!
It is difficult to tell you exactly what to do, and every situation will be a little bit different. But generally, if you are dancing and a girl is looking at you/dancing near you, make lots of eye contact back with her - so each time she looks, hold eye contact for a few seconds, and then look away again. If she is looking back at you again - she is definitely interested.
Then try and move a little closer, so you are dancing next to her. And then it is quite simple from there, just compliment her (something silly like I really like your dress/necklace etc) and introduce yourself. You will have made her smile (hopefully) from the compliment, then you have introduced yourself which means you have the intro into the conversation. Ask if she would like a drink next - and generally if the girl is interested she will come with you to the bar. Then you have somewhere where its a bit quieter to chat and get to know her better. Talking to a girl is quite straightforward - ask who she is there with, where she works/studies, where she lives, what she thinks of the club/bar....etc. Conversation should flow quite easily from there. A nice thing to do is when you have got your drinks, go sit down if you can, have your drink together and chat a bit - then ask if she wants to dance. That way you have not just grabbed her as a stranger and started dancing, you have gotten to know her a bit more (which in turn makes you seem like less of a jerk thats just out for a kiss/sex and more like a nice, gentlemanly guy). So when you do come to dance together a bit later on, you can get a lot closer and it is a much nicer experience for both of you!
Even if you are not confident talking to a girl on the dancefloor, try starting off by chatting to a girl at the bar, so you just ask her to dance later on (like I mentioned above). That way there is no awkward 'moving in' type of thing and you dont have to shout over anyone to talk to her.
And most of all - just try something! Learning what the opposite sex wants is a learning curve, you are never going to get it right every time but at least you are having a go. The main thing here is that you clearly are attractive to girls - so many guys your age struggle to even get girls to notice them (search Dear Cupid and you will see so many questions from young men like yourself who cant even get near a girl, never mind find one that seems interested!). So you have gotten the biggest hurdle out of the way - the girls like you, so unless you act like a massive jerk then you cant really go wrong.
Girls just want a guy who can make them laugh, someone who treats them well and is nice to look at. So just be yourself, dont worry too much about what 'move' you are making on them, these girls like you so you cant really go wrong. Like I said before, unless you pinch their bum or really start grinding on them before even speaking to them then nothing bad can happen. Be yourself, and be respectful - and you will have no problems!
I hope this helps and good luck!
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