A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Do "happily married" people have affairs? I have a guy friend who has told me that he is in love with me and wants to have a relationship with me, but that he would never leave his wife. I've refused because I think having affairs is one of the lowest things anyone can do to a partner. What I can't figure out is, why, if he really is in love with me, he wont be honest with his wife and deal with the reality. He says he has no reason to leave his wife, but to me there has to be something very wrong in a marriage if one person has been having affairs for most of the time they've been married. And wouldn't being in love with someone else be reason to end a marriage? Why would someone want to stay in a marriage where there has been no intimacy for over a decade when they've fallen in love with someone else?
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (25 September 2009): absolutely not. Anyone who tells you that they are happily married but looking for an affair is just lying to themselves. Being married is a choice, every day. You wake up, you decide consciously AGAIN that you will honor your marriage vows or not. News flash... being married to the same person longer than a week takes effort. The excitement, adrenaline rush, the butterflies.... all that dissipates at some point and it comes down to the commitment level. Having the cake and eating it too? Yeah, who wouldn't want that? If we could all do what we wanted, with who we wanted, when we wanted, without repercussions, we most likely would. This person is NOT happily married, but won't be "happy" with you either. The beauty in a marriage is staying monogamous, suffering/surviving together. This is coming from the "other woman" perspective, and the "cheated on spouse" perspective as well.... I've been both in different relationships.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (28 August 2009): Let's imagine he is not lying, and he is in love w/you. long time ago he was in love w/his wife, he knows it goes away. It's unreal fact to "be in love" w/your partner after a certain period of time, habituation comes into play. Sounds like he is very comfortable w/his wife, they probably have kids together, friends, they build a life that they both like. May be there is not much sex going on, but seems like that's not a reason for him to break up marriage and make so many people unhappy, change lifestyle, split finances.Sex is not a reason for him to marry you. of-course, he wants to have an affair, because it's exciting, refreshing and very stimulating. See, that's the system how it works. At first you guys be meeting often, then your dates will become less and less frequent, and you'll be waiting for his calls, not understanding why he changed. And the he will dissapear completely. That's ussually the scenarium.The 'in love' feeling will go away, and there is nothing else left to hold on to.So, this what in a future of all these 'other' men or women. Spouse won't cheat if there was noone to teach with.Not everyone thinks like you.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (28 August 2009): It's about having his cake and eating it! Why would he settle for one world when he can have the best of both? (stability of a marriage, and the fun of a bit on the side)
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (28 August 2009): Dont listen to any of his lies, if he was so unhappy with his wife I am sure he would divorce her.
He obviously just wants free sex and the excitement on the side... dont even consider this man as all you will get is hurt.
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A
male
reader, bouncer  +, writes (28 August 2009):
He is bullshiting you .This RAT wants to use you a few times and then dump you like a hot cake. Dont fall for his crap that he loves you .He just wants sex from you plain and simple
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A
male
reader, 2old4this  +, writes (28 August 2009):
 You have to remember, this is all coming from his side and there is always two sides. You are right, if he was REALY in love with you he would leave her for you. Trust me, all he wants is his cake and eat it too. Break ties with him now before he drags you in the crap with him.
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