A
male
age
51-59,
*oveCanada
writes:Hi,I am middle aged guy in late 30's dating a 26 year old single mom. We met a year ago through a internet dating site and have been seeing each other for over a year now.I am a settled, educated, professional, who has separated from my wife a couple of years ago and still am involved with my two kids from that marriage. We are still legally married. Other than the kids, i am emotionally not involved with anyone.The girl i am dating lives in a different city and we meet each other couple of times a month. She is very busy person and between taking care of her daughter, going full time to school and a full time job, she does not have time to meet me as often as i would like her to meet.I knew of her limitations when we met and i had accepted her not being available most of the time. We talk/text maybe once a week. When we meet it is wonderful. We have amazing chemistry. We are great in bed. We talk about everything about our career plans and other things. Only thing we avoid is talking about us long term. We say that we miss each other all the time. But neither of us is willing to say the Love word. Both of us have explicitly agreed not to see anyone else till we are together.As time goes by, i am becoming more and more fond of her and am definitely falling for her. I want to meet her more often. I want her to talk to me more often. I have not mentioned my increasing intensity of feelings to her. I am afraid if forcing the issue will spoil things between us and push her away. Maybe she is just interested in companionship for couple of years.Please advice how i should proceed. Shall i give some more time and wait for her to ask more of my time, or shall i demand more time. Do girls like their space?. Will she feel crowded if i request more of her. We are planning a week long trip this summer. Will that make us closer.Interested to hear from you folks. Reply to this Question
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male
reader, LoveCanada +, writes (9 April 2011):
LoveCanada is verified as being by the original poster of the questionHi there
Thanks for the advice i got from good folks on the site. I really felt good. I met the girl today and it was an amazing day. Dreamlike. We both are in spell. I can just feel it. She also mentioned how busy her week was and some of the stressful things she is going with her immediate family.
I decided not to make me a problem. I will take whatever she can offer. My reasoning goes something like this she is not seeing anyone else and i am the only guy she is involved in (i have tremendous respect for her character. There is lots of trust there. ). When she is ready for more time commitment, she will let me know.
If she wants me then she can have me for however long she wants. If i love her then i should let her be. And i truly love her and will let her know in a years time.
Let me see how long this feeling lasts in me.
I would like thank you folks again for your wonderful support.
Cheers
A
female
reader, Love Mama +, writes (8 April 2011):
 Dear Canadian Fella,You only text/call once a week? I find this very strange. A person who is in love with another usually wants to talk/text/email/see all the time! This is a red flag. Love Mamaxox
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A
male
reader, Danielepew  +, writes (7 April 2011):
 My opinion is that you should ask her. If she says, no, well, no. If she says yes, well, YES.
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A
female
reader, janniepeg +, writes (7 April 2011):
 Your mind will be more clear once your divorce is finalized. Believe me I had been there. It didn't feel good to hide things. You don't have to tell her now that you are still married. That would definitely spoil things. Just start the divorce process now. I understand this can be tricky for you. When you express your love you may appear to be coming on too strong. If you don't you seem disinterested and only there for sex. Two passive people create a recipe for frustration. Women are taught to never say the L word. You don't have to say the L word just yet. Say I care about you I like you a lot instead. You can be honest with her about what you want and what makes you happy but express your concerns for your living situations.
I am guessing you are the more established one in terms of career and since she has only one kid and you have two, it will be better for her to move to your city. The weekend trip will bring you closer but after that, the once a week meeting is not going to bring you the understanding you need about each other. You have to spend weekends living together as a unit to see if a serious relationship would work out. Like how would you divide time with her, with her daughter, and don't forget you need space too, and also how well you deal with conflict. This is what people do when they live in the same city but since you live apart, you have to take a leap of faith and ask if she has wishes to live in your city. I had a date living in a separate area in my city and he asked the first day if I wanted to live there one day, since I was still renting my apartment. We weren't serious though and nothing ever came out of our brief relationship. Don't be afraid to ask her this. I don't think this question would push her away. Anyone would understand that flying back and forth wastes time and energy.
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A
female
reader, b90219  +, writes (7 April 2011):
Dear LoveCanada,Girls like it when a guy takes action, but don't ever rush things. If she was recently in a bad relationship before you, I would definitely take it slow. If you tell her you love her, though, it will most likely make her very happy and she will feel great about herself. If you have already slept with her, you should really tell her, because girls get their self esteem hurt really bad if you don't. They think you're just using them for sex and amusement, even if you do love them. Us girls are just way to complicated to explain it, but it means a lot to us for a guy to love us, so ONLY say it when you mean it. Girls definitely won't tell the guy they love them first because they're afraid of rejection.Hope that helped-b90219
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