A
female
age
51-59,
*ck
writes:Divorced Men!If your divorce was terrible and she put you through hell... would you remarry? I am dating a guy who says he would not remarry because of all he went through- but....?!?
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male
reader, Sandman +, writes (19 September 2007):
 Well, my divorce (or soon to be divorced) isn't nasty per se, but it is leaving a nasty taste in my mouth.
I'm finding out that she cheated on me. She's made comments like she hates/can't stand being around me. Very hurtful comments. She moved out the house and moved back home with her mom. The divorce itself isn't hell (although I can't wait for it to be over) but the time at which she first stated she wanted a divorce to the time she finally left was hell. So would I remarry?
Depends. Right now I'm saying no. I don't ever want the feelings I felt when things started going down hill. She made it seem like everything was my fault instead of looking to herself to find some answers to her issues. She never took responsibility for her own actions which irritated me for years. I don't ever want someone to point the finger at me and tell me I'm the reason for all their troubles. It's not fair - nor is it true.
But I do want the loving relationship - the staying up till late talking, or listening to music. The holding each other at night. The dancing in the living room. All that mushy stuff that makes your heart flutter when you look at her. I want all that - but never had it with her. So I'm not sure if I could ever get it. So therefore, there's a strong possibility that I will never remarry. But God has a way of making things happen for me.
Hope this helps
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (19 September 2007): I said I never would marry again after a particularly nasty divorce. However, 5 years later I relented. 7 years after that another divorce followed. Now in a steady 7 year relationship, no talk of marriage and all in the garden is rosy so far. If it ain't broke don't try to fix it.Phil
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A
female
reader, mck +, writes (19 September 2007):
mck is verified as being by the original poster of the questionBeautiful answer... thank you!
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A
male
reader, rcn +, writes (19 September 2007):
 Being divorced I tell people the first time I should have "just said no". Here is the deal, I know you didn't ask for an explanation on why this occurs, but maybe knowing why will help you as well.
These behaviors play in most relationships, but in different ways. This would be the same response as someone who had been cheated on who goes into the next relationship with that fear of it happening again, so they use jealousy and lack of trust to attempt in a way to prevent the past from repeating its self, It's a response to being hurt.
Would I, not before I figure out areas of my life. I would do the same as many others. He went through hell. Instead of placing the hell with the person who caused it, it gets linked to marriage, or relationships. So in his mind, all though your a different person, he's afraid of history repeating its self. He needs to realize the hell he went though has nothing to do with you, or the possibility of you doing the same to him. The two of you write your experiences together, and it has absolutely nothing to do with his past marriage. That hell needs to stay with the divorce, and your chances at a good marriage needs to be looked at as something new, fresh, and a chance at happiness.
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