A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:My boyfriend of 5 years and I live together. I have 2 children from my ex husband. My boyfriend and I have come to what is becoming a pretty big issue. My ex husband has been unable to obtain employment since december. In the past he was always financially responsible. My ex and I have a civil relationship. He ran out of savings and asked me to loan him $900 until his federal return came back to pay his rent so he wouldn't have to move 3 hours away with his mom, buying him more time to find a job. I asked my boyfriend for his input on this and he stayed neutral about it, so I loaned my ex the money. Now he is upset because I loaned him money. The money came from a savings account that I had before my boyfriend moved in. He is saying that he wanted to see what I would do and that would tell him what I wanted. Did I use bad judgement in loaning my ex money? In my eyes, everyone needs help from time to time and if I need help someday, I hope someone will help me if they can. I want my children to have their father in their lives as much as possible because they love him. For my boyfriend, he feels that I am enabling him and that my ex is wanting to move back in with me and will keep leaning on me if I let him. Any advice?
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female
reader, Nime +, writes (10 April 2011):
 I think if your ex-husband was always financially responsible for you and the kids it was right for you to lend him the money. Not only is he the father of your children and someone you want to keep around for them, but you can also look at it as an investment. Who knows, your helping him stay afloat now may enable him to get back on his feet so he can once again help support the kids. If you let him sink now he may never again be at a place where he can help out financially, for all we know. If you're on civil terms with your ex-husband and he wasn't a monster, then no matter what he's still a member of your family. You will always share this bond with him: your kids. I can definitely see why your boyfriend might feel put out, but you should remind him how much you care for him and why you loaned your ex-husband the money (ultimately, for the kids), that you're with him now, etc. Your boyfriend also must be aware that he is still just the boyfriend and you guys aren't married. He's stepping into a nest another man built and he has to live with it or get out.
A
female
reader, Nime +, writes (10 April 2011):
I think if your ex-husband was always financially responsible for you and the kids it was right for you to lend him the money. Not only is he the father of your children and someone you want to keep around for them, but you can also look at it as an investment. Who knows, your helping him stay afloat now may enable him to get back on his feet so he can once again help support the kids. If you let him sink now he may never again be at a place where he can help out financially, for all we know. If you're on civil terms with your ex-husband and he wasn't a monster, then no matter what he's still a member of your family. You will always share this bond with him: your kids. I can definitely see why your boyfriend might feel put out, but you should remind him how much you care for him and why you loaned your ex-husband the money (ultimately, for the kids), that you're with him now, etc. Your boyfriend also must be aware that he is still just the boyfriend and you guys aren't married. He's stepping into a nest another man built and he has to live with it or get out.
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