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Did I say YES too quickly to his proposal?

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Question - (10 December 2010) 4 Answers - (Newest, 10 December 2010)
A female Canada age 30-35, anonymous writes:

I have had this boyfriend of mine for 6 years now, and I am really in love with him although we both have differences (as any couple does).

On the other hand, there is a guy that I met at school who is amazing. He is perfect for me in every way. He is sweet, and he and I have the same intrests. I have had a minor crush on him for 2 years, and then this past year I fell in love with him. He comes on strong sometimes, where I feel like he may like me that way too. There are so many times where I feel like I could have kissed him but I have always resisted the urge.

My dilemma is that my boyfriend proposed to me! I said yes of course because I really love him and his family and I can't imagine myself without him; but now I've been thinking a lot, I feel like I may always wonder what "could have been" with the other guy.

I really don't know what to do.

View related questions: crush, fell in love

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A reader, anonymous, writes (10 December 2010):

This is verified as being by the original poster of the question

The differences between my boyfriend and I are just little things, like going for walks and what not. He and I both want the same future (house and kids), and he is very supportive of my education.

This other guy likes to walk, and travel, and everything that I like.

Thank you all for the answers they have been really helpful. UNSURE31 made me realize that (yes although I am still quite young) I usually tend to have more feelings for this other guy when I am upset or stressed (and its exam time!)

I know that I really love my fiance and I should not mess up what he and I have. I never have any feelings for any other guys (with this one as an exception), and they tend to come in waves while my feeling for my fiance remain constant.

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A female reader, UNSURE31 United States +, writes (10 December 2010):

UNSURE31 agony auntI think you have to weigh out your options in this situation. What I do when I feel like my relationship is JUST and another guy comes along and sweeps me off my feet I think about life without my guy. Sometimes when you are unhappy you feel vulnerable you may have feelings that could only be temporary. I wouldn't risk your relationship to see if the grass is greener on the other side because in the end you may end up alone!!

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A female reader, Tisha-1 United States +, writes (10 December 2010):

Tisha-1 agony auntIgnore how long you two have been together just for the moment.

What are the differences between you and your current boyfriend that you referenced but didn't explain.

And what are the items that make the other guy perfect for you?

Thanks for following up!

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A female reader, YouWish United States +, writes (10 December 2010):

YouWish agony auntLet's take this other guy out of the equation for a second. This is about you right now. It says something about the relationship you're in if you're thinking about what could have been in regards to someone else. You felt chemistry with this new guy. That doesn't bode well before a marriage has even begun with your 6-year boyfriend.

Right now, you're with your current boyfriend out of comfort and familiarity. Of course you love the guy. That is for sure. However, the relationship has developed staleness. You're also young and have other aspirations in mind. I'm curious as to what made him propose to you.

You're young and at a crossroads in your life now. You've gotta evaluate what you see in your relationship with your current boyfriend. If you're with him because you don't like change, then you must re-think your engagement. If you're with him because he is everything to you and you don't care about any others, then by all means, go forward with your plans to build your lives.

However, I will tell you that if you're looking at other people now, it doesn't bode well for the future of your marriage. You're young. Take some time away from your boyfriend and explore options. Focus on other aspects of your life, like your career plans, education, etc. Look at your boyfriend with a critical eye as well and decide whether you see yourself with him 5, 10, 20 years down the line.

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