A
female
age
51-59,
*lsyorx
writes:I'm a married f having an affair with a married m. We both wanted to stay married to our spouses,but enjoy seeing each other when ever we had a chance(casualsex). We had gotten closer together over the months and lately, I started having strong feelings for him. The last time we're together, I had asked him how he feels for me. He said "He cannot fall inlove with me". His response hurt me a little, but i understand that it supposed to be casual between us and nothing more. When were together, i know and feel that he too feels the same as I do. One day, He invited me to come and watch him and his team to a baseball game. I came and sat throughout the game. After the game, I waved at him to get his attention and got no response. I then called him on his cel to let him know I was there. Instead of meeting me, sent me home and told me I cannot stay for the party. I left the park and went home crying. I felt like a fool. The next morning, he apologised; explaning that one of his family member was at the park and that we cannot be seen together and that he'll make up for it the next time we see each other. On the day we supposed to see each other, I was still hurt and angry. I called him and told him that maybe we should quit seeing each other. I also left him a text message saying "If you cant love me, then won't you introduce me to your play budies, they were checking me out!" I called him back within a few minutes after sending that message and apologies about a hundred times. I know I hurt his ego, but it hurts me more for him to treat me like nothing. It wasnt the first time he made me feel this bad. He's angry and dont want to forgive. Should I continue to ask for forgiveness? or should I move on?
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reader, anonymous, writes (20 July 2008): The first poster is quite right - you are a game player and I feel embarrassed for you that you have gotten yourself into such a mess and are now escalating into "crazy rabbit boiling psycho jilted lover". You both started this thing - making whatever "excuses" you needed to to yourselves (ALL selfish ones), and now when the heat is on (which was inevitable) you feel betrayed, abandoned, like you mean "nothing" to him! Newsflash...he was clear where you stood from the start, you accepted the "conditions", now you want to move the goal post and he won;t play!God, this is like the plot of a dumb B grade movie we have all seen about a million times!!! DIR...someone always gets emotionally involved and then the whole "casual affair" starts to unravel. Do you want to know what happens next? One of the spouses finds out. Then...the whole thing comes out, there is a huge mess, he tells his wife what an idiot he has been and that you mean nothing... and who is left crying and alone...YOU honey, mark my words. This guy could not make it any clearer to you that you are a "bit on the side" and that is IT - he has no intention of changing that, and by getting all hurt and playing your little games you are going to force him to dump you altogether - he will not risk his marriage/family/social stance etc. He hasn't "betrayed" you by being the same sleazy cheat he was at the start. You're expectations have changed that's all.There's a good article on here written by Ask Old Sister (I think) that explores Losing yourself when in an affair...I think you would relate to what she describes alot.I hope you can sort yourself out - this is no way to live.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (20 July 2008): why don't you end the affair? you write all of this as though you have no worries yourself about being dishonest to your spouse. How would he feel that you are "totally ignoring" your vows?
you signed up for this type of relationship. you can't expect any more from him. you agreed to stay married to your spouses. why would you expect to be treated with respect in public?
How can you totally disregard your marriage vows? If you want to stay married, then behave like a married woman.
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