A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:My boyfriend runs a business with his friend and they're having some problems at the moment. I'm worried about him and the future he has in that job. He tells me about his job and when I see him I ask how work is.The other night I told him that I feel that he's not being valued by his business partner and that he's doing more work than he's being paid for. He said that he knows that but it's ok for now.I then started asking more questions about whether he's been looking for other work and he snapped at me and said 'are you interrogating me?'I told him that I didn't like the way he said that and he apologised. I dropped the subject after that.Did I cross a line? Was I interrogating him? He never gets angry and that's why this is so weird. I am just concerned about him and don't like the fact that he thought I was interrogating him? Am I overracting? Reply to this Question
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (19 October 2010): Thanks for the answers guys. CaringGuy, thanks for your input especially. I needed a man's perspective on this and your answer has made me see this in a totally different light, and it makes sense. Much appreciated :)
A
male
reader, CaringGuy  +, writes (19 October 2010):
You hit the rawest nerve that a woman can hit with a man - by asking him if he was searching for other work, you implied that he was going to fail and needed to be doing more. I know you didn't mean to, but the worst possible thing to do when a man is trying to fix something is to ask him to do something else. In his eyes, he's working as hard as he can. He can't do anything else, he knows he's taking on more work that he's worth, and he's stressed and worried. So, as you can imagine, the last thing he needed to hear was 'are you searching for other work'. You hit the worst nerve of all. I know how he feels. I had to shut my company recently because of the lack of work, now I'm unemployed and looking for work. So I know how stressed and down he is feeling.
You didn't do anything wrong as such, and don't sit there blaming yourself or him. But you need to understand that if this company fails, and he thinks he's not had support from you, it could destroy your relationship. He needs your support, not alternate suggestions.
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