A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I recently had an odd experience with my BF. He went out to meet a couple of friends for a few drinks (he rarely drinks... maybe 2 or 3 times a year). Anyway I joined them during the evening at his request and long story short. My boyfriend ended up drinking a large shot of absinthe. He didn't know it was absinthe as it was a red coloured version! Straight after this he went from being a bit tipsy to absolutely freaked out and he couldn't move his body properly. Of course I looked after him and took him home.At home though he started talking about bizarre stuff. He hates talking about his feelings and was saying all this contradictory stuff like "sometimes his love for me is strong and sometimes it goes away and then comes back again"... then he started crying and saying I was putting pressure on him. He never ever ever cries. The pressure thing stems from the fact that we are nearly 4 years together and I want to get married. We are going to Vegas in October and have decided to elope so... but he has been using my computer to look up engagement rings also. Anyway. I'm torn between his drunken words because when he was sober he swore blind that he always loves me and did not feel pressure at all. I'm so confused. What do you think?
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (22 February 2016): Thank you both. I did speak to him about the wedding. I told him I didn't want him to feel any pressure and I would prefer that he do it because he wants to rather than feel as though he should. I got a big hug and he reassured me that he never does things he doesn't want to do. So I guess that's it on that subject. He also told me that he couldn't remember saying all that stuff to me and was sorry if he hurt me and that he loves me all the time... not just some of the time!
A
female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (22 February 2016):
 People often say funny things when they are drunk. As for him crying well alcohol obviously made him emotional. I would be more inclined to believe him when he is sober. At the end of the day you know who your boyfriend is and what he is like. If you feel loved then he loves you. Actions speak louder than words. If you personally feel you have been putting pressure on him then talk to him about the wedding and make sure it is what he wants as well.
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A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (22 February 2016):
 I think he was DRUNK.
Now it is true that alcohool disposes of inhibitions and brings up thoughts, feelings and sensations that lurk somewhere down there under our conscious level- but it does it in a casual, haphazard, stream -of-consciousness way, without a prioritization of range and importance. Like how we all do in dreams, where we are heartbroken for having lost an earring, say, but not for the death of a parent, while IRL obviously it would be different.
It is quite possible that, deep down, he may have or have had some resistence , a bit of cold feet about getting married, and why not, it is a huge committment. It IS a bit scary. But, with his conscious mind, he DECIDED to get over his fears and take the plunge, and IMO that's what counts.
After all, love feelings are Always a bit ambivalent, we just tend to suppress ,with our rational mind, any negative feelings we may feel toward our love objects.
For instance : the person I love most in the whole world is my son; I'd do anything for him. He also has a difficult personality,though, he knows how to push my buttons and some times he can really grate on my nerves, ...times in which I have thought " Gee, I could kill him with my bare hands ".
But if I get pissed drunk and say " I could choke my son "- I assure you it would be unnecessary for you to call the police and press charges . No homicide is going to happen.
Then again, if you feel a bit guilty of actually having pressured him, and this is the reason of your post, i.e. that you feel you have been a bit heavy handed and he just said yes for being able to kkep you around, - then you can do a simple and effective experiment. Stop any pressure. Tell him that you do not NEED to get married in Vegas, you can also go there and enjoy your trip as tourists and not as honeymooners. If he says " Yeah.... we'd better wait " it will be a disappointment for you but at least you won't marry someone who has been sort of dragged to the altar kicking and screaming ( and that would bolt and invoke divorce at the first marital difficulty you should have ).
If he says " Are you kidding me ? Let's go on with the program ! " - then ... all you have got to do is to keep him away from absinthe, which apparently is not the best drink for him :)
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